Christmas jokes, Santa Claus jokes and Elf jokes

Wife: "What's the weather forecast for Christmas?"  Husband: "It looks like reindeer"
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All I want for Christmas is a self-cleaning house

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What's Santa's nationality? Northpolish.

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Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws.

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Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said "I don't know about you but I can smell carrots."

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Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year. It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.

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Children: "This turkey tastes like an old sofa!"  Mom: "Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing!"

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What is the most competitive season? Win-ter!

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What's the name of the one horse in "Jingle Bells"? Bob. ("Bells on Bob's tail ring!")

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What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet? Mistle-toad!

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Why don't penguins fly? Because they're not tall enough to be pilots.

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What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle Smells.

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What's the best thing to put into a Christmas Cake? Your teeth.

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What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple? A pineapple.

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What is the worst disease that you get at Christmas? Excemas.

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What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis.

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What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper.

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How does Christmas Day end? With the letter Y.

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Why was the snowman rummaging in the bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.

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What did one snowman say to the other? I couldn't hear them, so I have snow-idea.

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What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow.

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When is a boat just like snow? When its adrift!

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What do snowmen eat for lunch? Iceburgers.

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How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle.

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What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps.

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!

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Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off!

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Who will win? Home security or Santa?

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What do you call Rudolph with lots of snow in his ears? Anything you want, he can't hear you.

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Why did the Rudolph cross the road? Because he was tied to the chicken.

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Which of Santa's reindeers have to mind their manners most? Rude-olph.

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Who is the Music Elf's favorite reindeer? Dancer.

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Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? They always drop their needles.

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What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments.

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How long do a reindeer's legs have to be? Long enough so they can touch the ground.

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Who is Santa Claus married to? Mary Christmas.

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What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling? An elfcicle.

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What do Santa's little helpers learn at school? The elfabet.

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Who is Santa's favorite singer? Elfis Presley.

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What is Santa's favorite place to deliver presents? Idaho-ho-ho.

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What goes Ho Ho Whoosh? Santa going through a revolving door.

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What says "Oh Oh Oh"? Santa walking backwards.

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*Knock*Knock*
 "Who's there?"
 "Ho‑Ho"
 "Ho‑Ho Who?"
 "You know, your Santa impression could use a little work"

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*Knock*Knock*
 "Who's there?"
 "Irish"
 "Irish Who?"
 "Irish you a Merry Christmas!"

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*Knock*Knock*
 "Who's there?"
 "Harold"
 "Harold Who?"
 "Hark the Harold Angels Sing!"

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*Knock*Knock*
 "Who's there?"
 "Holly"
 "Holly Who?"
 "Holly-days are here again!"

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*Knock*Knock*
 "Who's there?"
 "Snow"
 "Snow Who?"
 "Snow business like show business!"

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*Knock*Knock*
 "Who's there?"
 "Santa"
 "Santa Who?"
 "Santa email reminding you I'd be here, and you STILL make me wait in the cold!"

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*Knock*Knock*
 "Who's there?"
 "Mary and Abbey"
 "Mary and Abbey Who?"
 "Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!"

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What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

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Who delivers presents to cats? Santa Paws!

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What do you call a desert lion in december? Sandy Claws.

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Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? Because he had a low elf esteem!

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Wife: "What's the weather forecast for Christmas?"  Husband: "It looks like reindeer"

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