| Christmas jokes, Santa Claus jokes and Elf jokesWife: "What's the weather forecast for Christmas?" — Husband: "It looks like reindeer"What do you call the days after Christmas?
Christmess.
------------- "What did you get for Christmas?" — "Do you see that Lamborghini over there?" — "Oh, my god, that's..." — "That's exactly the same color of the socks I got"
---------------- A dog looks at a tree wrapped in Christmas lights: "My master is the best. No other dog has such a beautiful toilet."
------------ What would you call an elf who is an excellent swimmer?
An elfin.
--------------- Why do elves sing when they work on children's toys?
They are very good wrappers.
------------- One month Santa Claus,
eleven months Santa pause.
----------------- Yoda on Christmas Eve: "I can feel the presents"
------------- Why does Santa use reindeers to pull his sleigh?
Because huskies can't fly.
------------ What is the equivalent of a superdeath laser gun for snowmen?
A hairdryer
------------- What keeps falling but never gets hurt?
Snow.
----------------- Where does Santa Claus send the elves' wages? To the snow bank. That was a joke. Elves don't get paid because their accounts are frozen.
---------- Where does Santa Claus hide gifts for his elves?
In his Clauset.
------------- Sending letters to Santa up the chimney is definitely black mail
-------------- Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
And the very next day
I was buried away
---------------- Another helicopter landed on our roof again. I think I should turn down the Christmas lights a bit.
---------- Christmas is on my mind 2 months before, and on my credit card bill 6 months after.
---------- What do snowmen do in their spare time?
Just chilling
------------- A cookie a day
keeps the Christmas stress away
--------------- All I want for Christmas is a self-cleaning house
------------ What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple? A pineapple.
------------- What's the best thing to put into a Christmas Cake? Your teeth.
--------------- What is the worst disease that you get at Christmas? Excemas.
------------- What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis.
---------- How does Christmas Day end? With the letter Y.
----------- What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper.
---------------- What did one snowman say to the other? I couldn't hear them, so I have snow-idea.
--------------- Why was the snowman rummaging in the bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
--------- When is a boat just like snow? When its adrift!
-------------- What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow.
------------ What do snowmen eat for lunch? Iceburgers.
-------------- How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle.
---------------- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
---------- What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps.
------------ Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off!
--------- Who will win? Home security or Santa?
---------------- Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws.
---------------- What's Santa's nationality? Northpolish.
--------- Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year. It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
------------ Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said "I don't know about you but I can smell carrots."
--------------- Children: "This turkey tastes like an old sofa!" — Mom: "Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing!"
------------- What is the most competitive season? Win-ter!
------------- What's the name of the one horse in "Jingle Bells"? Bob. ("Bells on Bob's tail ring!")
-------------- What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet? Mistle-toad!
----------- What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle Smells.
------------- Why don't penguins fly? Because they're not tall enough to be pilots.
----------- What do you call Rudolph with lots of snow in his ears? Anything you want, he can't hear you.
-------------- Why did the Rudolph cross the road? Because he was tied to the chicken.
------------- Which of Santa's reindeers have to mind their manners most? Rude-olph.
---------------- Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? They always drop their needles.
---------- Who is the Music Elf's favorite reindeer? Dancer.
--------- How long do a reindeer's legs have to be? Long enough so they can touch the ground.
------------ What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments.
---------------- What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling? An elfcicle.
---------------- Who is Santa Claus married to? Mary Christmas.
-------------- What do Santa's little helpers learn at school? The elfabet.
------------ Who is Santa's favorite singer? Elfis Presley.
-------------- What goes Ho Ho Whoosh? Santa going through a revolving door.
----------- What is Santa's favorite place to deliver presents? Idaho-ho-ho.
----------- *Knock*Knock*
— "Who's there?"
— "Ho‑Ho"
— "Ho‑Ho Who?"
— "You know, your Santa impression could use a little work"
----------- What says "Oh Oh Oh"? Santa walking backwards.
---------- *Knock*Knock*
— "Who's there?"
— "Irish"
— "Irish Who?"
— "Irish you a Merry Christmas!"
-------------- *Knock*Knock*
— "Who's there?"
— "Harold"
— "Harold Who?"
— "Hark the Harold Angels Sing!"
---------------- *Knock*Knock*
— "Who's there?"
— "Snow"
— "Snow Who?"
— "Snow business like show business!"
--------- *Knock*Knock*
— "Who's there?"
— "Holly"
— "Holly Who?"
— "Holly-days are here again!"
--------- *Knock*Knock*
— "Who's there?"
— "Mary and Abbey"
— "Mary and Abbey Who?"
— "Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!"
---------- *Knock*Knock*
— "Who's there?"
— "Santa"
— "Santa Who?"
— "Santa email reminding you I'd be here, and you STILL make me wait in the cold!"
----------- Who delivers presents to cats? Santa Paws!
----------------- What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
---------------- What do you call a desert lion in december? Sandy Claws.
---------------- Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? Because he had a low elf esteem!
---------------- Wife: "What's the weather forecast for Christmas?" — Husband: "It looks like reindeer"
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