| Funny nonsense jokesWhat's an aligator in a vest? An investigator.Have French fries been orginally made in France? No, in Greece (grease).
----------- Which country' capital is the fastest growing?
Ireland's. Every year it's Dublin.
---------------- What's red and explodes in the fruit section?
A pomegranate
------------- What lies on the ocean floor and twitches uncontrollably?
A nervous wreck
----------------- Why did the balloon fly near the needle?
To become a pop star
----------- What do you get when you ask a lemon for help?
Lemonaid
---------------- Why does Peter Pan fly all the time?
He Neverlands
------------- What driver doesn't know how to drive?
The screwdriver
----------------- What tea varies in taste from bitter to sweet?
Realitea
-------------- What sits in a tree and goes "A‑haaaaaa, a‑haaaaaa"?
An owl having a major realization.
--------- Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter
--------------- When boats get sick, where do they go?
To the doc(k)
--------------- Peter has 150 candy bars. He eats 125 in one hour. What does Peter have now?
Diabetes
--------------- What type of candy is always late?
A chocoLATE
----------------- Which bus never drove any street?
The globus
--------- What do you call bears without ears?
Bees
(because bears)
---------- Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work
----------- What do you call a hippie's wife?
Mississippi
-------------- What's a computer's favorite snack?
Microchips
--------- How does a monkey ring the doorbell?
King Kong! King Kong!
--------------- Why was the teacher cross-eyed?
Her pupils got out of control
---------------- What's red and flies through the air?
A tomato in a helicopter
------------- Why couldn't the pony sing?
It was a little hoarse
----------- What's red, black and golden and flies through the air?
A lady bug with a golden tooth
-------------- How many peas go in a pot?
None, peas can't walk.
------------- How do you call a beautiful boot?
Booty-pie
------------- Why are dogs terrible at poker?
Their tails give them away.
-------------- What did the healthy multigrain bread say to the sick toast? Get butter soon.
------------- What bee can't make up its mind? The maybee.
-------------- What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. (No‑eye‑deer)
--------- What time was it when the monster ate the British Prime Minister? Eight P.M.
------------- What did the green grape say to the purple grape? "Breathe, stupid!"
--------------- What is the dog doing at the retail store? It gets a new tail.
-------------- Why don't oysters share their pearls? Because they are shellfish.
---------------- Which bus could cross the ocean?
Columbus.
------------- What do you get when you cross an octopus and a cow? An animal that can milk itself.
-------------- Why is the ocean salty? Because the land never waves back.
------------ How do prawns and clams communicate? With shell‑phones.
----------- How do you make an octopus laugh? By tentickling.
---------- In what state does it cost the most to live in? Expennsylvania.
----------- Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? To the retail store.
---------- What's striped and bouncy? A tiger on a pogo stick
----------- What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxi cabs.
-------------- Why did the mobile phone go to the dentist? Because it had Bluetooth.
--------- What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? Stick.
---------- What game does the brontosaurus play with humans? Squash.
----------- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
--------------- Why were the little drops of ink crying? Their mother was in the pen and they did not know how long her sentence would be.
---------------- Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work.
------------- What flowers have two lips? Tulips.
----------- What a bee says when it gets in the hive? "Honey! I'm home!"
--------- Where do sick horses go? To a horsepital.
---------------- What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
----------------- What makes "oooom" and gives milk? A cow walking backwards.
---------------- Where does a boxer who weighs 250lbs sit on a bus? Wherever he wants to.
---------------- Why do bikes fall over so often?
They are two-tired.
------------ What's a minimum? A very small mother.
----------------- What fish cares only about himself? The selfish.
-------------- Why did the traffic signal turn red? Because it had to change in the middle of the street.
------------ Why is the tomato red? It blushed when it saw the salad dressing.
-------------- What vegetable loves to sing? Elvis Parsley.
--------------- What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends.
------------- What do you call a threelegged donkey? Wonkey.
---------- What's an aligator in a vest? An investigator.
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