Funny nonsense jokes

What's an aligator in a vest? An investigator.
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Have French fries been orginally made in France? No, in Greece (grease).

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Which country' capital is the fastest growing?

Ireland's. Every year it's Dublin.

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What's red and explodes in the fruit section?

A pomegranate

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What lies on the ocean floor and twitches uncontrollably?

A nervous wreck

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Why did the balloon fly near the needle?

To become a pop star

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What do you get when you ask a lemon for help?

Lemonaid

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Why does Peter Pan fly all the time?

He Neverlands

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What driver doesn't know how to drive?

The screwdriver

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What tea varies in taste from bitter to sweet?

Realitea

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What sits in a tree and goes "A‑haaaaaa, a‑haaaaaa"?

An owl having a major realization.

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Why is the nose in the middle of the face?

Because it's the scenter

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When boats get sick, where do they go?

To the doc(k)

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Peter has 150 candy bars. He eats 125 in one hour. What does Peter have now?

Diabetes

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What type of candy is always late?

A chocoLATE

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Which bus never drove any street?

The globus

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What do you call bears without ears?

Bees
(because bears)

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work

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What do you call a hippie's wife?

Mississippi

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What's a computer's favorite snack?

Microchips

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How does a monkey ring the doorbell?

King Kong! King Kong!

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Why was the teacher cross-eyed?

Her pupils got out of control

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What's red and flies through the air?

A tomato in a helicopter

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Why couldn't the pony sing?

It was a little hoarse

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What's red, black and golden and flies through the air?

A lady bug with a golden tooth

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How many peas go in a pot?

None, peas can't walk.

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How do you call a beautiful boot?

Booty-pie

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Why are dogs terrible at poker?

Their tails give them away.

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What did the healthy multigrain bread say to the sick toast? Get butter soon.

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What bee can't make up its mind? The maybee.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. (No‑eye‑deer)

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What time was it when the monster ate the British Prime Minister? Eight P.M.

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What did the green grape say to the purple grape? "Breathe, stupid!"

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What is the dog doing at the retail store? It gets a new tail.

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Why don't oysters share their pearls? Because they are shellfish.

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Which bus could cross the ocean?

Columbus.

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What do you get when you cross an octopus and a cow? An animal that can milk itself.

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Why is the ocean salty? Because the land never waves back.

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How do prawns and clams communicate? With shell‑phones.

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How do you make an octopus laugh? By tentickling.

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In what state does it cost the most to live in? Expennsylvania.

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Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? To the retail store.

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What's striped and bouncy? A tiger on a pogo stick

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What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxi cabs.

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Why did the mobile phone go to the dentist? Because it had Bluetooth.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? Stick.

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What game does the brontosaurus play with humans? Squash.

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What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

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Why were the little drops of ink crying? Their mother was in the pen and they did not know how long her sentence would be.

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Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work.

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What flowers have two lips? Tulips.

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What a bee says when it gets in the hive? "Honey! I'm home!"

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Where do sick horses go? To a horsepital.

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

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What makes "oooom" and gives milk? A cow walking backwards.

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Where does a boxer who weighs 250lbs sit on a bus? Wherever he wants to.

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Why do bikes fall over so often?

They are two-tired.

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What's a minimum? A very small mother.

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What fish cares only about himself? The selfish.

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Why did the traffic signal turn red? Because it had to change in the middle of the street.

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Why is the tomato red? It blushed when it saw the salad dressing.

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What vegetable loves to sing? Elvis Parsley.

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What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends.

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What do you call a threelegged donkey? Wonkey.

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What's an aligator in a vest? An investigator.

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