Short jokes for children

How come computers are so smart? They listen to their motherboard!
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What do you call a witch sitting in the middle of the desert and trembling with fear?

A chicken sandwich.

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What fairy flutters about and never had a bath in her entire life?

Stinkerbell

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How can you tell you have an elephant in your bedroom?

By the large "E" on his jammies.

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"Little Johnny, why did you put your teddy bear in the freezer?"  "I wanted to have a polar bear."

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Why does the elephant have yellow socks? Because the blue ones are still in the washing machine.

Why does the elephant swim on his back? To prevent his yellow socks from getting wet, too.

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Two skyscrapers sitting in a storage room. What's wrong with that? They accidently locked themselves in.

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When cops go to bed... do they become undercover cops?

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"Oh, no. The milk is bad again"  Milk: "Muahahaha"

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"Dammit, this video game is too hard"  "What are you playing?"  "Level Failed Simulator"

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My favorite color is crayon

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What if the spider you killed in your room thought you were its best friend? Ever thought about that? No, you only think about yourself.

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When they invent a scent-recorder we can finally take smellfies

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The "F" you get after failing a class is actually your teacher paying respects

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Donald Trump ate my homework

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Spoons are great at self-defence. When you try to wash one, it washes you back.

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"Hi, I'm Liz"  "Is that short for Elizabeth?"  "No, my name is Lizard"

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Sleeping is loading the next day

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If by plane you mean bike then yes, I have my own plane.

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PRESS 1 for ENGLISH
PRESS 2 for SPANISH
PRESS 3 for SELF‑DESTRUCT

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Croc to swimmer:
"I'm the winner,
you're the dinner"

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy Wuzzy said "Not fair!"

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Why I ate the whole pizza? Because there's an "I" in pizza.

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Wow! Very explode. Such loud. So boom. Wow!

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To cause an explosion simply connect this and th...

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Joke for a dog: "Woof woof woof"  "Woof?"  "Woof woof!"

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"Can my friend Craig come over?"  "Who's Craig?"  "My friend"

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The loudest way to open a bag of chips is to try to open it quietly

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Why did the kid poke the father repeatedly with a measuring tape? To measure his patience.

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When I was young, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day to survive. Thank god my older brother told me about it.

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What do ghosts serve for dessert? I scream.

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Why are teddy bears never hungry? Because they're always stuffed.

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Carrots are good for your eyes. That's why you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.

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How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut.

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What do you call a Pokemon that needs oil? Squeakachu.

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Teacher: "Whoever answers my next question can go home"  One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.  Teacher: "Who just threw that?"  "Me," replied the boy, "and I'm going home"

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What do you call lazy kangaroo children? Pouch potatoes.

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"Dad, I am thirsty"  Dad: "Hi, I'm Friday"

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Words are powerful.... choose them good.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A necktarine.

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"Dad, I am hungry"  Dad: "Hi, Hungry, nice to meet you"

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Whom did the zombie invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.

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What do tigers have that no other animals have? Baby tigers.

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What's the opposite of opposite?

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It was cold outside, so I stood in the corner because it's 90 degrees.

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My vaccum cleaner sucks

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She threw butter out of the window. She wanted to see a butterfly.

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Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

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What is a bunny's favorite music? Hip hop.

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Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.

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What happens when you feed gunpowder to a chicken? Eggs plosion.

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Which day chicken hate most? Fryday.

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Hey, psst, have you heard of this new social network for kids? It's called "Outside"!

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because you can see right through them.

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"Good evening, Fashion Police! Your underpants, please."

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"Good evening, Fashion Police! Do you have a licence for the yellow socks you're wearing?"

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"What time is it?"  "Don't know, it always changes"

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Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

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Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

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Why are frogs so happy? They eat what bugs them.

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If you have 17 apples in one hand and 14 apples in the other hand, what do you have? Really big hands.

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My brother and I made a $10 bet on who could throw meat the furthest into the air. I guess you could say the steaks have never been higher.

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I tied all my watches onto my belt. It was a waist of time.

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Studying is 10% reading and 90% complaining

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I cannot brain today. I has the dumb.

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Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"  Pupil: "HIJKLMNO!" Teacher: "What are you talking about?"  Pupil: "Yesterday you said it's H to O"

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Why does the squirrel go to the psychiatrists? Because you are what you eat and the squirrel eats nuts.

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What do sea monsters eat? Fish 'n' Ships.

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What's the difference between teachers and trains? Teacher says "Spit out your gum!" The train says "choo‑choo!"

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Where did the ghost go to post his mail? To the Ghost office.

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Why did the police arrest the ghost? He didn't have a haunting license.

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"I'd like 9 buns, please"  Baker: "Why don't you take one more? Then you have 10."

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Teacher: "What do you get when you subtract 897 from 1823 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?"  "A headache, Madam"

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I recently saw a double‑mermaid. Bottom half was fish, top half was fish.

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Cucumbers are Hot Dogs in Hulk mode

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What's a teacher's favorite nation? The expla‑nation.

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What's the most colorful state of USA? Color‑ado.

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Teacher: "Conjugate the verb 'to walk'"  "I walk.... You walk...."  "Quicker please."  "I run. You run..."

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Where does Dracula stay when he goes to New York City? The Vampire State building.

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"Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?"  "Sorry, I don't"  "Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left"

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Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"  Daughter: "First day? You mean I have to go back?"

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Pupil: "Should someone be punished for something they didn't do?" Teacher: "Of course not" Pupil: "Good, because I haven't done my homework"

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Two men on opposite sides of a river. One shouts: "I need your help to get to the other side!"  The other guy replies: "You are on the other side!"

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Why aren't koalas actual bears? They don't meet the koalafications.

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What do we want? Low flying airplane noises! When do we want them? NNEEEOOOOWW.

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What does Luke Skywalker's mother say? "Use the forks, Luke"

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If there is watermelon, why isn't there earthmelon, airmelon and firemelon?

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I put my phone in air­plane mode and it did't fly. I've been scammed!

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If tomatoes are fruits, is ketchup a smoothie?

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What schools do giraffes go to? High school.

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If we can't see air, can fish see water?

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What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool music.

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I used to be a were­wolf. But I'm much better nooooooowww!

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How come computers are so smart? They listen to their motherboard!

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