Short jokes for children

How come computers are so smart? They listen to their motherboard!
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"Dammit, this video game is too hard"  "What are you playing?"  "Level Failed Simulator"

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My favorite color is crayon

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What if the spider you killed in your room thought you were its best friend? Ever thought about that? No, you only think about yourself.

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The "F" you get after failing a class is actually your teacher paying respects

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When they invent a scent-recorder we can finally take smellfies

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Donald Trump ate my homework

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"Hi, I'm Liz"  "Is that short for Elizabeth?"  "No, my name is Lizard"

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Spoons are great at self-defence. When you try to wash one, it washes you back.

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Sleeping is loading the next day

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If by plane you mean bike then yes, I have my own plane.

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PRESS 1 for ENGLISH
PRESS 2 for SPANISH
PRESS 3 for SELF‑DESTRUCT

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Croc to swimmer:
"I'm the winner,
you're the dinner"

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy Wuzzy said "Not fair!"

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Why I ate the whole pizza? Because there's an "I" in pizza.

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Wow! Very explode. Such loud. So boom. Wow!

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To cause an explosion simply connect this and th...

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Joke for a dog: "Woof woof woof"  "Woof?"  "Woof woof!"

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"Can my friend Craig come over?"  "Who's Craig?"  "My friend"

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The loudest way to open a bag of chips is to try to open it quietly

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When I was young, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day to survive. Thank god my older brother told me about it.

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Why did the kid poke the father repeatedly with a measuring tape? To measure his patience.

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What do ghosts serve for dessert? I scream.

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Why are teddy bears never hungry? Because they're always stuffed.

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Carrots are good for your eyes. That's why you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.

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How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut.

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because you can see right through them.

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Hey, psst, have you heard of this new social network for kids? It's called "Outside"!

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"Good evening, Fashion Police! Do you have a licence for the yellow socks you're wearing?"

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"Good evening, Fashion Police! Your underpants, please."

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Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

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"What time is it?"  "Don't know, it always changes"

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Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

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If you have 17 apples in one hand and 14 apples in the other hand, what do you have? Really big hands.

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Why are frogs so happy? They eat what bugs them.

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I tied all my watches onto my belt. It was a waist of time.

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My brother and I made a $10 bet on who could throw meat the furthest into the air. I guess you could say the steaks have never been higher.

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Teacher: "Whoever answers my next question can go home"  One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.  Teacher: "Who just threw that?"  "Me," replied the boy, "and I'm going home"

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What do you call a Pokemon that needs oil? Squeakachu.

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What do you call lazy kangaroo children? Pouch potatoes.

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Words are powerful.... choose them good.

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"Dad, I am thirsty"  Dad: "Hi, I'm Friday"

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"Dad, I am hungry"  Dad: "Hi, Hungry, nice to meet you"

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A necktarine.

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Whom did the zombie invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.

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What's the opposite of opposite?

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What do tigers have that no other animals have? Baby tigers.

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My vaccum cleaner sucks

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It was cold outside, so I stood in the corner because it's 90 degrees.

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Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

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She threw butter out of the window. She wanted to see a butterfly.

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What is a bunny's favorite music? Hip hop.

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What happens when you feed gunpowder to a chicken? Eggs plosion.

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Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.

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Which day chicken hate most? Fryday.

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Studying is 10% reading and 90% complaining

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Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"  Pupil: "HIJKLMNO!" Teacher: "What are you talking about?"  Pupil: "Yesterday you said it's H to O"

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I cannot brain today. I has the dumb.

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Why does the squirrel go to the psychiatrists? Because you are what you eat and the squirrel eats nuts.

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What's the difference between teachers and trains? Teacher says "Spit out your gum!" The train says "choo‑choo!"

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What do sea monsters eat? Fish 'n' Ships.

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Why did the police arrest the ghost? He didn't have a haunting license.

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Where did the ghost go to post his mail? To the Ghost office.

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I recently saw a double‑mermaid. Bottom half was fish, top half was fish.

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Teacher: "What do you get when you subtract 897 from 1823 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?"  "A headache, Madam"

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Cucumbers are Hot Dogs in Hulk mode

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What's the most colorful state of USA? Color‑ado.

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What's a teacher's favorite nation? The expla‑nation.

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Where does Dracula stay when he goes to New York City? The Vampire State building.

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Teacher: "Conjugate the verb 'to walk'"  "I walk.... You walk...."  "Quicker please."  "I run. You run..."

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"Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?"  "Sorry, I don't"  "Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left"

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Pupil: "Should someone be punished for something they didn't do?" Teacher: "Of course not" Pupil: "Good, because I haven't done my homework"

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Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"  Daughter: "First day? You mean I have to go back?"

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Why aren't koalas actual bears? They don't meet the koalafications.

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Two men on opposite sides of a river. One shouts: "I need your help to get to the other side!"  The other guy replies: "You are on the other side!"

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What does Luke Skywalker's mother say? "Use the forks, Luke"

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What do we want? Low flying airplane noises! When do we want them? NNEEEOOOOWW.

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If there is watermelon, why isn't there earthmelon, airmelon and firemelon?

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If tomatoes are fruits, is ketchup a smoothie?

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I put my phone in air­plane mode and it did't fly. I've been scammed!

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If we can't see air, can fish see water?

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What schools do giraffes go to? High school.

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I used to be a were­wolf. But I'm much better nooooooowww!

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What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool music.

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How come computers are so smart? They listen to their motherboard!

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