Bitcoin trading jokes and cryptocoins humor

I don't like the US Dollar. It was premined.
  • New
  • Short
  • Abc
  • Unsorted

In bull markets experts are useless, in bear markets helpless

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The bear just left the cave

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I use BTC as bad example

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"The economy is booming!"  "Whatever the economy is doing, it's doing it without me"

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The Market has only one objective: To inflict the maximum amount of pain on the maximum number of participants.

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Live by the coins, die by the coins

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Live by the stocks, die by the stocks

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It's gonna bounce back. Simple physics.

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It goes up and down. Like a toilet seat.

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Cryptocoins fell 5%. Wait! Since I wrote that, they fell another 8%.

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Don't drink and trade

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Whose bot blinks first?

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Put on your rubber gloves when trading forex! Always practice safe ex!

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Hey, guys.
Hey, hey, hey...
Bitconneeeeeeeeeeeeect

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Wow! Very flashcrash. So stoploss. Wow!

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I tried to buy pizza with bitcoins, but they ran out of pizza

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THE CORRECTION
IS NIGH!

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Transfered my bitcoins to an exchange, and now it turns out they don't allow any withdrawals. Should have been suspicious of an exchange with the name "Black Hole Unlimited".

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There are 798 reasons why you aren't a bitcoin billionaire yet

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Wow! Very ponzi. Much pyramid. Such scammy. Wow!

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To make money with cryptocoins, you have to outsmart the bots, sail round the whales, ignore the experts, survive the scams, outpace the inflation, understand the tax code, and go fiat before the bubble bursts

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Every cryptomarket is the same, but every crash is different

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Today is I am disappoint day

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Look at them yoyos
That's the way you do it
Money for nothing and the bits for free
I want my, I want my, I want my BTC

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I'm supposed to cook dinner but can't stop staring at these charts

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I'm rich now. I have one billion scamcoins.

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This crypto exchange is run by two guys. One does the tech, the other buys the booze.

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At the last Mt Gox party we we found out that most of us were black women in our mid-20s

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This Time It's Different(tm)

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Investing is 90% analysis, and the other half is intuition

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She lost all her money trading. Now she has only her cats left. Wants to sell them at the cat exchange.

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Good evening, my fellow bagholders. Does anyone know a bridge with decent living accomodations?

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Call the doctor!
I think market's gonna crash!
The doctor says he's comin,
but you gotta pay in cash.

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"Strange, my trading bot tries to order 0 BTC at the price of 0 USD"  "Seems your bot is broken"  "DON'T INSULT MY BOT! IT WAS EXPENSIVE!!"

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I found the secret why markets crash: There are more sellers than buyers.

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I hodl because I can't figure out where the sell button is

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If you owe the bank $150, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $150 million, that's the bank's problem.

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Wow! So Dollar. Much bullmarket. Very profit. Wow!

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By now I am convinced that subconsciously I like to lose money

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Fiat is a renewable resource

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What won't go down, goes up

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We came
We whipped
We sawed

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First I was a promising trader. Then I had to go back to my job on the farm.

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The carsh comes, the course dorps, but I hodl

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The next crash is gonna be more epic than the last one!!

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He got banned for saying "hodl" on a trading site

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Get in while my made up company is selling for only $10m! We will sell to normal investors for $500m very soon!!!!

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Looks like a Spongebob squarechart pattern

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HODL = Get paid to wait

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I don't want to sound bearish or alarmist. But it's time to sell NOW!!!

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Ctrl + P money

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...and then I said "cryptocoins are a ponzi scheme" and the discussion went crazy

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The best way to avoid losses is to stop trading

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Trend is your friend except at the end

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I had a secret trading technique. Eventually I lost everything.

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Shoulda-coulda-hodled-yodl

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Alts-Had-A-Pump Day

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After years of trading I have become a Bearbullmanbot

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Wow! Much candle. Very trend. So volume. Wow!

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People are selling because they are wimps. We gotta blast through their wimp walls.

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This is pumptastic!

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Buttcoin, invented by Satoshi Cacamoto

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You need to look deep into yourself and ask.. "What led me to this state of rekt?"

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HODL2ZERO

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When markets dropped 23% in a day, we called it Black Monday. In crypto we call it Monday.

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You just got owned by your bot

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I feel like Pacman with these cheap prices. Om nom nom nom

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Nurse: "You've been in a coma for 10 years. It's 2029."  "What's the current price of Bitcoin?"  "What's Bitcoin? Your medical bill is 17.23 Ripple."  "Put me back into the coma"

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Bitcorn and Ryecoin
Bitcorn and Ryecoin
Bitcorn and Ryecoin

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I'm color blind. When I see candles, I keep buying.

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"Based on my technical analysis of this doji I sold all my assets"  "That's not a doji though"

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Crypto Coiny had a great fall
Crypto Coiny fell through a wall
All the king's trade bots and all the king's men
Couldn't pump Coiny higher again

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Fiat for nothing
And the coins for free

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I'm investing in ICOs with credit card debt. What could go wrong?

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Bull pack, not pull back
Bull pack, not pull back
Bull pack, not pull back

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Real cryptocoin fans mine coins by hand

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Took my laptop to the beach. Trading bitcoins from my beach lounger. Watching bubbles and whales.

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"The bitcoin price is exploding!!"  "I don't care"  "The bitcoin price is crashing!!!"  "I don't care"  "Why not?!"  "I don't have any bitcoins"

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I canceled all orders at the exchange. Trolololol.

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The dead cat didn't even try to bounce

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I sold all my crypto for fiat. Then the dog ate it.

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No + BTC = YES

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I'm holding 2293 different coins. The future is bright.

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And I'm freeee
Free faaallin'

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I pnanic sodl

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As your attorney I advise you to invest in Attorney Coin

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"Cryptocoins are not a bubble"
—Abraham Lincoln

"I discovered the theory of gravity when a cryptocoin fell on my head"
—Isaac Newton

"To the moooon!"
—Shakespeare

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Ha! I'm a trading genius ...Wait... Oh shit!

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This crash looks a lot better with the laptop held sideways

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Don't worry, said the exchange, your trust will be our reward

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Don't you love how noobs buy high? The panic will be hilarious.

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My mom said, it's an uptrend so it must be true!

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Oh..my..God, Becky!
Look at that price!
It is so big.
It looks like
one of those nerd guys' portfolios.

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Now is maybe a good time to repost that suicide hotline

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I'm a bit of a masochist. So I enjoy this crash.

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Please go up in a straight line

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I sold. So obviously it stopped crashing.

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I‑have‑a‑secret‑I‑wont‑tell‑you‑coin

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His fear of computers gave him strong hands from 2013 to 2019

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Market paniculation!

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I'm only regular stinking rich. I want to be filthy stinking rich.

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What in the world? Dead cat bouncing sideways?

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Wow, look: All cryptocoins are crashing in the same pattern.

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I'm not even mad that I lost all my money. I'm part of something special.

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Holy Satoshi. Grant us correction and pump. Ramen.

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Sell now while you can still afford a rope

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A minute of silence for all those who sold in the last trap

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Oh, no! It's crashing! Someone hodl me!

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Bloooodbath! Double Kill!! Killing spreeeee!!!

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Look on the bright side: At least we still can login

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You buy it, you crash it!

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You'll probably never be a whale, but don't let that stop you from dreaming

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BTC is the gateway drug to cryptomania

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Buys 0.0000000001 BTC, writes in his bio: "Cryptocurrency investor, upcoming millionaire"

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Son: "Daddy, can you buy me 1 bitcoin for my birthday?"  Dad: "What? $13,123??? Son, $15,751 is a lot of money! What do you need $14,997 for anyway?"

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There are no bubbles. Just mysteriously floating candles.

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Ho, Ho, HODL! Happy Hodldays!

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Who needs support when you have the experts of the trollbox

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Imagine if it all just went up... we would only need 1 candle

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My chikun is gonna eat that wall

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Fly, Chikun, fly!
Up up to the sky.

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Time to buy more chikun and become a mining farmer

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Cmon guys, we need more panic!

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What do you do when a woman doesn't like your hashes? Send her 10 trillion more.

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Al Gore: I invented the bitcoin.

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Chuck Norris can double spend bitcoins. Including your bitcoins.

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Chuck Norris mined all bitcoins. Twice.

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Why did the hipster miner burn out his GPU? He was mining before it was cool.

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How many miners does it take to change a light bulb? One million. One miner to change it, and the rest to verify it.

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How many bankers does it take to mine a bitcoin? None, thank God!

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Trollbox = Where Wall Street meets 4chan

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NVC = No Volume Coin

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Cryptocoins are virtual, but that doesn't mean that fiat is real

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Dear trollbox. This year I would like to know the date of the next crash, please.

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Reversed bull forming. Tomorrow there will be steak.

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I hodl like I never hedl before

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You can easily spot the well-known black hunchback's big toe pattern

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Grown bulls of this species are too strong to handle

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We're going to Kuiper Belt tonight!

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Our cryptocoin is better than your cryptocoin. "Ours is faster", "Ours makes coffee", "Ours looks pretty in pink", "Ours gives 5x block every 7th block"

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Just bought some coins from weak hands

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Sleep is for amateurs

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Pump incoming in 14 hours and 12 minutes. Mark my words!

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The end of cryptos will be a good time to buy in

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Ya know, one of these days I have to get some sleep

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The Trollbox = Where your IQ just fades away.

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Monday is Mooooonday

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Thank God for cryptocoins. I already thought I was stuck with cash.

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Some traders are like gamblers with gold fish memory of 3 seconds

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We're all getting forked

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"10000 USD for a can of sardines? Why so expensive?"  "They're trading sardines"

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US Dollars are printed by the world's fastest printing press

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It's a noobie trap!

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It's going down like a magnet!

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We lose money on every sale, but make up for it in volume

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Exchanges exist for one purpose only. To make as many men fools as possible.