Bitcoin trading jokes and cryptocoins humor

I don't like the US Dollar. It was premined.
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I'm having a hard time getting my old brain to grasp this whole crypto­currency phenomenon. Is this like a 1952 Mickey Mantle rookie card is worth more than a 1963 Joe Shlabotnik?

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I bought many acres of land. Thank you, bitcoins! And then I lost the USB stick with the rest of my bitcoins. I hate you, acres.

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Bitcoin = Central Banking for all

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Want to know how to make a small fortune in the forex market? Start with a large one!

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I first began trading in the forex market about 15 years ago. I started with nothing and I still have most of it.

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In bull markets experts are useless, in bear markets helpless

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"The economy is booming!"  "Whatever the economy is doing, it's doing it without me"

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The bear just left the cave

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I use BTC as bad example

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The Market has only one objective: To inflict the maximum amount of pain on the maximum number of participants.

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Live by the coins, die by the coins

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Live by the stocks, die by the stocks

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It's gonna bounce back. Simple physics.

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It goes up and down. Like a toilet seat.

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Cryptocoins fell 5%. Wait! Since I wrote that, they fell another 8%.

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Don't drink and trade

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Whose bot blinks first?

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Put on your rubber gloves when trading forex! Always practice safe ex!

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Wow! Very flashcrash. So stoploss. Wow!

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I tried to buy pizza with bitcoins, but they ran out of pizza

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THE CORRECTION
IS NIGH!

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Transfered my bitcoins to an exchange, and now it turns out they don't allow any withdrawals. Should have been suspicious of an exchange with the name "Black Hole Unlimited".

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Hey, guys.
Hey, hey, hey...
Bitconneeeeeeeeeeeeect

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There are 798 reasons why you aren't a bitcoin billionaire yet

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Look at them yoyos
That's the way you do it
Money for nothing and the bits for free
I want my, I want my, I want my BTC

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Wow! Very ponzi. Much pyramid. Such scammy. Wow!

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To make money with cryptocoins, you have to outsmart the bots, sail round the whales, ignore the experts, survive the scams, outpace the inflation, understand the tax code, and go fiat before the bubble bursts

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Every cryptomarket is the same, but every crash is different

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I'm supposed to cook dinner but can't stop staring at these charts

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Today is I am disappoint day

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I'm rich now. I have one billion scamcoins.

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This crypto exchange is run by two guys. One does the tech, the other buys the booze.

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At the last Mt Gox party we we found out that most of us were black women in our mid-20s

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This Time It's Different(tm)

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Investing is 90% analysis, and the other half is intuition

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She lost all her money trading. Now she has only her cats left. Wants to sell them at the cat exchange.

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Call the doctor!
I think market's gonna crash!
The doctor says he's comin,
but you gotta pay in cash.

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Good evening, my fellow bagholders. Does anyone know a bridge with decent living accomodations?

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I found the secret why markets crash: There are more sellers than buyers.

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"Strange, my trading bot tries to order 0 BTC at the price of 0 USD"  "Seems your bot is broken"  "DON'T INSULT MY BOT! IT WAS EXPENSIVE!!"

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I hodl because I can't figure out where the sell button is

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If you owe the bank $150, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $150 million, that's the bank's problem.

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Wow! So Dollar. Much bullmarket. Very profit. Wow!

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Fiat is a renewable resource

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What won't go down, goes up

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We came
We whipped
We sawed

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First I was a promising trader. Then I had to go back to my job on the farm.

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The carsh comes, the course dorps, but I hodl

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The next crash is gonna be more epic than the last one!!

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By now I am convinced that subconsciously I like to lose money

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He got banned for saying "hodl" on a trading site

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HODL = Get paid to wait

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I don't want to sound bearish or alarmist. But it's time to sell NOW!!!

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Get in while my made up company is selling for only $10m! We will sell to normal investors for $500m very soon!!!!

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Ctrl + P money

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...and then I said "cryptocoins are a ponzi scheme" and the discussion went crazy

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The best way to avoid losses is to stop trading

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Looks like a Spongebob squarechart pattern

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You just got owned by your bot

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I feel like Pacman with these cheap prices. Om nom nom nom

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Trend is your friend except at the end

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Nurse: "You've been in a coma for 10 years. It's 2030."  "What's the current price of Bitcoin?"  "What's Bitcoin? Your medical bill is 17.23 Ripple."  "Put me back into the coma"

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Bitcorn and Ryecoin
Bitcorn and Ryecoin
Bitcorn and Ryecoin

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"Based on my technical analysis of this doji I sold all my assets"  "That's not a doji though"

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I'm color blind. When I see candles, I keep buying.

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Crypto Coiny had a great fall
Crypto Coiny fell through a wall
All the king's trade bots and all the king's men
Couldn't pump Coiny higher again

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Fiat for nothing
And the coins for free

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I'm investing in ICOs with credit card debt. What could go wrong?

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Bull pack, not pull back
Bull pack, not pull back
Bull pack, not pull back

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I had a secret trading technique. Eventually I lost everything.

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Shoulda-coulda-hodled-yodl

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Alts-Had-A-Pump Day

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Wow! Much candle. Very trend. So volume. Wow!

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After years of trading I have become a Bearbullmanbot

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People are selling because they are wimps. We gotta blast through their wimp walls.

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This is pumptastic!

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Buttcoin, invented by Satoshi Cacamoto

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You need to look deep into yourself and ask.. "What led me to this state of rekt?"

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HODL2ZERO

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Real cryptocoin fans mine coins by hand

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When markets dropped 23% in a day, we called it Black Monday. In crypto we call it Monday.

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Took my laptop to the beach. Trading bitcoins from my beach lounger. Watching bubbles and whales.

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"The bitcoin price is exploding!!"  "I don't care"  "The bitcoin price is crashing!!!"  "I don't care"  "Why not?!"  "I don't have any bitcoins"

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I canceled all orders at the exchange. Trolololol.

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The dead cat didn't even try to bounce

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I sold all my crypto for fiat. Then the dog ate it.

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No + BTC = YES

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I'm holding 2293 different coins. The future is bright.

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"Cryptocoins are not a bubble"
—Abraham Lincoln

"I discovered the theory of gravity when a cryptocoin fell on my head"
—Isaac Newton

"To the moooon!"
—Shakespeare

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And I'm freeee
Free faaallin'

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Ha! I'm a trading genius ...Wait... Oh shit!

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I pnanic sodl

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This crash looks a lot better with the laptop held sideways

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As your attorney I advise you to invest in Attorney Coin

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Please go up in a straight line

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I sold. So obviously it stopped crashing.

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Don't worry, said the exchange, your trust will be our reward

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Don't you love how noobs buy high? The panic will be hilarious.

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My mom said, it's an uptrend so it must be true!

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Oh..my..God, Becky!
Look at that price!
It is so big.
It looks like
one of those nerd guys' portfolios.

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I‑have‑a‑secret‑I‑wont‑tell‑you‑coin

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Now is maybe a good time to repost that suicide hotline

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I'm a bit of a masochist. So I enjoy this crash.

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Chuck Norris can double spend bitcoins. Including your bitcoins.

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What do you do when a woman doesn't like your hashes? Send her 10 trillion more.

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Chuck Norris mined all bitcoins. Twice.

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Al Gore: I invented the bitcoin.

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Why did the hipster miner burn out his GPU? He was mining before it was cool.

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How many miners does it take to change a light bulb? One million. One miner to change it, and the rest to verify it.

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NVC = No Volume Coin

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How many bankers does it take to mine a bitcoin? None, thank God!

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Cryptocoins are virtual, but that doesn't mean that fiat is real

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Trollbox = Where Wall Street meets 4chan

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Dear trollbox. This year I would like to know the date of the next crash, please.

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You can easily spot the well-known black hunchback's big toe pattern

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Reversed bull forming. Tomorrow there will be steak.