Grammar jokes

One day at the wedding: "I hereby pronouns you he and she"
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Your idiot's! All of yours!

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"Why are you crying, Oxford comma?"  "They said I am optional *sniff*"

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I'm a grammar cop. I know everything about literature... except how to enjoy it.

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I work for the grammar police. Subdivision punctuation patrol.

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"How many languages do you speak?"  "Almost one"

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Grammar and spelling are eksact syences not

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Comma: "Why are you crying, semicolon?"  Semicolon: "Nobody understands me"

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Some people say, contractions in the English language are difficult. Indeed, they're.

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Michael Jackson's preferred pronouns were he/hee.

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English tenses must have been created for time travellers because some of them just don't make much sense in any other way

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I am the Ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive. I will show you what would have happened, were you not to have changed your ways.

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The spirit is willing but the grammar is weak

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I am the Ghost of Christmas Future Imperfect Conditional. I bring news of what would have been going to happen if you were not to have been going to change your ways.

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Synonym: a word you can use instead of a word you can't spell

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Let's end the apostrophe abuse's

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"Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?"
—Oxford comma

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Learn German if you der

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The end of grammar and spelling is nigh!

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I'm an English major. You do the math.

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5 vowals, 11 consonants and 1 comma appeared in court today. They were sentenced.

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Squad  That's not a group of squids

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"That's what"
—She

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I'm very punctual. I always use commas and periods.

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Show me a typo and it will make me [sic]

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A hyperbole is, without a doubt, the best thing ever

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"My head literally exploded"  "You seem to have healed surprisingly well"

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The battle between wanting to have friends and wanting to correct other people's grammar

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Before Facebook I just assumed my friends knew the difference between you're and your

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Homonyms are knot a waist of thyme

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Autocorrect can go straight to he'll

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I'll give you my Oxford comma when you take it from my cold, dead hands

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Sadly, the days of proper English are goed.

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You know you're a grammar nerd when you make [sic] jokes

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Don't you wish your girlfriend was grammatically correct like me? Don't you wish your girlfriend had impeccable spelling like me? Don't cha?

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Exclamation mark: "Must you always question everything?"  Question mark: "Why are you always yelling?"

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Doctor: "You have onomatopoeia"  "What is that?"  "It's exactly what it sounds like"

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Future asks the other two what they will be having. Past says he's had enough, and Present says he's OK at the moment.

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English is difficult. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.

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Grammar police: To correct and serve

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She loved to split infinitives



up.

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The past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared

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Lern englis!

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Spells and spelling
= black magic

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Fasebuk: The new social network for people who can't spell

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Irony is when someone writes "Your an idiot".
Learn grammar!
Insult properly!

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I rejected the Oxford comma ever since Oxford rejected me

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What did you bring that book that I don't want to be read to out of about Down Under up for?
Explanation: For what [reason] did you bring that book about Down Under, out of which I don't want you to read to me, up [here]?

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John bought the cups that Daniel had been looking for for him

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Who was that gentleman I saw that lady I saw you with with?

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I before E... except when you run a feisty heist on a weird foreign neighbour

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I will LITERALLY DIE if you don't stop using hyperboles incorrectly

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The first rule of Synonym Club is: You don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss, natter or chat about the Synonym Club.

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Grammar is the difference between "I would rather eat a candy than a chocolate" and "I would rather eat a candy, then a chocolate"

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Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit

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Teacher: "Give me examples of vowals"  "Ahh... eh... well, oh... uh..."  "Correct, thank you"

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James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher

Explanation: John writes "The man had a cold", which the teacher marks incorrect. James writes the correct "The man had had a cold", which had had a better effect on the teacher. Therefore: James, while John had had "had", had had "had had". The "had had" of James had had a better effect on the teacher.

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When Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo, Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

Explanation: When buffaloes from Buffalo bully buffaloes from Buffalo then buffaloes from Buffalo bully buffaloes from Buffalo.

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Into a bar Yoda walks, hmmmm?

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Teacher: "A double negative usually forms a positive. But sometimes a double negative is still a negative. However, a double positive never forms a negative."  Pupil from the back of the room: "Yeah, right."

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Then suddenly, in the darkness, we heard the famous grammar owl... "Whom Whom"

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I will never date another apostrophe. The last one was too possessive.

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Teacher: "Name two pronouns"  "Who, me?"  "Correct, thank you"

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Every time you make a typo, the errorists win

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What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws, the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

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Criticizing someone who confuses there/their/they're is an ad homonym attack

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Only if you spell "incorrectly" "incorrectly", you spell "incorrectly" correctly

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One day at the wedding: "I hereby pronouns you he and she"

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