| Grammar jokesOne day at the wedding: "I hereby pronouns you he and she"Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew. —Sauce unknown
--------------- Autocorrect has become my wurst enema
--------------- "What is it?" — "A pronoun."
--------------- How many grammar nazis does it take to change a lightbulb?
Too
----------- Learn German if you der die das
-------------- And then it suddenly appeared: The satirical exclamation mark.
----------- Your idiot's! All of yours!
--------- "Why are you crying, Oxford comma?" — "They said I am optional *sniff*"
------------ I'm a grammar cop. I know everything about literature... except how to enjoy it.
---------- I work for the grammar police. Subdivision punctuation patrol.
---------- "How many languages do you speak?" — "Almost one"
--------------- Comma: "Why are you crying, semicolon?" — Semicolon: "Nobody understands me"
---------------- Grammar and spelling are eksact syences not
---------- Some people say, contractions in the English language are difficult. Indeed, they're.
----------- English tenses must have been created for time travellers because some of them just don't make much sense in any other way
--------- I am the Ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive. I will show you what would have happened, were you not to have changed your ways.
--------------- The spirit is willing but the grammar is weak
------------ I am the Ghost of Christmas Future Imperfect Conditional. I bring news of what would have been going to happen if you were not to have been going to change your ways.
------------- Synonym: a word you can use instead of a word you can't spell
----------- Let's end the apostrophe abuse's
--------------- "Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?"
—Oxford comma
--------------- Michael Jackson's preferred pronouns were he/hee.
--------- I'm an English major. You do the math.
---------------- 5 vowals, 11 consonants and 1 comma appeared in court today. They were sentenced.
--------------- Squad — That's not a group of squids
--------- "That's what" —She
---------- I'm very punctual. I always use commas and periods.
----------------- Show me a typo and it will make me [sic]
---------------- The battle between wanting to have friends and wanting to correct other people's grammar
----------------- Before Facebook I just assumed my friends knew the difference between you're and your
---------- Homonyms are knot a waist of thyme
-------------- A hyperbole is, without a doubt, the best thing ever
----------- Autocorrect can go straight to he'll
------------- I'll give you my Oxford comma when you take it from my cold, dead hands
--------------- "My head literally exploded" — "You seem to have healed surprisingly well"
------------ Sadly, the days of proper English are goed.
---------- Learn German if you der
------------ You know you're a grammar nerd when you make [sic] jokes
----------- The end of grammar and spelling is nigh!
---------------- Don't you wish your girlfriend was grammatically correct like me? Don't you wish your girlfriend had impeccable spelling like me? Don't cha?
---------- Exclamation mark: "Must you always question everything?" — Question mark: "Why are you always yelling?"
------------ Doctor: "You have onomatopoeia" — "What is that?" — "It's exactly what it sounds like"
---------------- Future asks the other two what they will be having. Past says he's had enough, and Present says he's OK at the moment.
--------------- English is difficult. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.
------------ Grammar police: To correct and serve
----------- Your an retart! All of yours!
-------------- She loved to split infinitives
up.
--------- The past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared
--------- Spells and spelling = black magic
------------ Fasebuk: The new social network for people who can't spell
-------------- Irony is when someone writes "Your an idiot". Learn grammar! Insult properly!
-------------- I rejected the Oxford comma ever since Oxford rejected me
----------- John bought the cups that Daniel had been looking for for him
------------- Who was that gentleman I saw that lady I saw you with with?
-------------- What did you bring that book that I don't want to be read to out of about Down Under up for? Explanation: For what [reason] did you bring that book about Down Under, out of which I don't want you to read to me, up [here]?
-------------- Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit
---------------- Teacher: "Give me examples of vowals" — "Ahh... eh... well, oh... uh..." — "Correct, thank you"
------------- James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher
Explanation: John writes "The man had a cold", which the teacher marks incorrect. James writes the correct "The man had had a cold", which had had a better effect on the teacher. Therefore: James, while John had had "had", had had "had had". The "had had" of James had had a better effect on the teacher.
------------- When Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo, Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
Explanation: When buffaloes from Buffalo bully buffaloes from Buffalo then buffaloes from Buffalo bully buffaloes from Buffalo.
-------------- Into a bar Yoda walks, hmmmm?
---------------- I before E... except when you run a feisty heist on a weird foreign neighbour
--------- I will LITERALLY DIE if you don't stop using hyperboles incorrectly
------------- The first rule of Synonym Club is: You don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss, natter or chat about the Synonym Club.
--------- Grammar is the difference between "I would rather eat a candy than a chocolate" and "I would rather eat a candy, then a chocolate"
---------- Teacher: "A double negative usually forms a positive. But sometimes a double negative is still a negative. However, a double positive never forms a negative." — Pupil from the back of the room: "Yeah, right."
--------------- Then suddenly, in the darkness, we heard the famous grammar owl... "Whom Whom"
---------------- I will never date another apostrophe. The last one was too possessive.
---------- Teacher: "Name two pronouns" — "Who, me?" — "Correct, thank you"
------------ Every time you make a typo, the errorists win
----------- What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws, the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
---------------- Criticizing someone who confuses there/their/they're is an ad homonym attack
------------- Only if you spell "incorrectly" "incorrectly", you spell "incorrectly" correctly
----------------- One day at the wedding: "I hereby pronouns you he and she"
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