Science and Math Jokes

And now we let the vacuum out
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Landlord: "There was a chemist living here before you. His name was Dr Crompsworth, maybe you've heard of him." — Tenant: "Oh, so those blue, red and green stains all over the walls stem from the chemicals in his experiments, I see." — Landlord: "Not quite. The red ones are Dr Crompsworth."

Landlord: "There was a chemist living here before you. His name was Dr Crompsworth, maybe you've heard of him." —Tenant: "Oh, so those blue, red and green stains all over the walls stem from the chemicals in his experiments, I see." —Landlord: "Not quite. The red ones are Dr Crompsworth."
Landlord: "There was a chemist living here before you. His name was Dr Crompsworth, maybe you've heard of him." —Tenant: "Oh, so those blue, red and green stains all over the walls stem from the chemicals in his experiments, I see." —Landlord: "Not quite. The red ones are Dr Crompsworth."
Landlord: "There was a chemist living here before you. His name was Dr Crompsworth, maybe you've heard of him." —Tenant: "Oh, so those blue, red and green stains all over the walls stem from the chemicals in his experiments, I see." —Landlord: "Not quite. The red ones are Dr Crompsworth."
Landlord: "There was a chemist living here before you. His name was Dr Crompsworth, maybe you've heard of him." —Tenant: "Oh, so those blue, red and green stains all over the walls stem from the chemicals in his experiments, I see." —Landlord: "Not quite. The red ones are Dr Crompsworth."
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Person#1: "The glass is half full" — Person#2: "The glass is half empty" — Chemist: "It's always full, only in varying ratios of liquid and gas!"

Person#1: "The glass is half full" —Person#2: "The glass is half empty" —Chemist: "It's always full, only in varying ratios of liquid and gas!"
Person#1: "The glass is half full" —Person#2: "The glass is half empty" —Chemist: "It's always full, only in varying ratios of liquid and gas!"
Person#1: "The glass is half full" —Person#2: "The glass is half empty" —Chemist: "It's always full, only in varying ratios of liquid and gas!"
Person#1: "The glass is half full" —Person#2: "The glass is half empty" —Chemist: "It's always full, only in varying ratios of liquid and gas!"
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Why did the military order large amounts of acid? To neutralize an enemy base.

Why did the military order large amounts of acid? To neutralize an enemy base.
Why did the military order large amounts of acid? To neutralize an enemy base.
Why did the military order large amounts of acid? To neutralize an enemy base.
Why did the military order large amounts of acid? To neutralize an enemy base.
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If you can't Curium and you can't Helium, find a spot to Barium.

If you can't Curium and you can't Helium, find a spot to Barium.
If you can't Curium and you can't Helium, find a spot to Barium.
If you can't Curium and you can't Helium, find a spot to Barium.
If you can't Curium and you can't Helium, find a spot to Barium.
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Bartender: "What was that?". A quicker-than-light tachyon walks into the bar.

Bartender: "What was that?". A quicker-than-light tachyon walks into the bar.
Bartender: "What was that?". A quicker-than-light tachyon walks into the bar.
Bartender: "What was that?". A quicker-than-light tachyon walks into the bar.
Bartender: "What was that?". A quicker-than-light tachyon walks into the bar.
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Rule#1 of chemistry: Chemistry is a lot like cooking but YOU NEVER LICK THE SPOON.

Rule#1 of chemistry: Chemistry is a lot like cooking but YOU NEVER LICK THE SPOON.
Rule#1 of chemistry: Chemistry is a lot like cooking but YOU NEVER LICK THE SPOON.
Rule#1 of chemistry: Chemistry is a lot like cooking but YOU NEVER LICK THE SPOON.
Rule#1 of chemistry: Chemistry is a lot like cooking but YOU NEVER LICK THE SPOON.
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Eight sodium atoms walk into a bar. Followed by BATMAN. Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na.

Eight sodium atoms walk into a bar. Followed by BATMAN. Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na.
Eight sodium atoms walk into a bar. Followed by BATMAN. Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na.
Eight sodium atoms walk into a bar. Followed by BATMAN. Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na.
Eight sodium atoms walk into a bar. Followed by BATMAN. Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na.
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Two nerds go into a bar. Why did the second nerd die? Because the first ordered H2O, and the second ordered "H2O, too"

Two nerds go into a bar. Why did the second nerd die? Because the first ordered H2O, and the second ordered "H2O, too"
Two nerds go into a bar. Why did the second nerd die? Because the first ordered H2O, and the second ordered "H2O, too"
Two nerds go into a bar. Why did the second nerd die? Because the first ordered H2O, and the second ordered "H2O, too"
Two nerds go into a bar. Why did the second nerd die? Because the first ordered H2O, and the second ordered "H2O, too"
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Is Schrödinger's cat alive? Well, short answer: Technically not. Long answer: Maybe.

Is Schroedinger's cat alive? Well, short answer: Technically not. Long answer: Maybe.
Is Schroedinger's cat alive? Well, short answer: Technically not. Long answer: Maybe.
Is Schroedinger's cat alive? Well, short answer: Technically not. Long answer: Maybe.
Is Schroedinger's cat alive? Well, short answer: Technically not. Long answer: Maybe.
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Telling chemistry jokes is only for the brave. Often, you get no reaction.

Telling chemistry jokes is only for the brave. Often, you get no reaction.
Telling chemistry jokes is only for the brave. Often, you get no reaction.
Telling chemistry jokes is only for the brave. Often, you get no reaction.
Telling chemistry jokes is only for the brave. Often, you get no reaction.
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I'm a hydrophobic. I have a fear of utility bills.

I'm a hydrophobic. I have a fear of utility bills.
I'm a hydrophobic. I have a fear of utility bills.
I'm a hydrophobic. I have a fear of utility bills.
I'm a hydrophobic. I have a fear of utility bills.
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Element#1: "Oh no! I've lost my electron!" — Element#2: "Are you positive?"

Element#1: "Oh no! I've lost my electron!" —Element#2: "Are you positive?"
Element#1: "Oh no! I've lost my electron!" —Element#2: "Are you positive?"
Element#1: "Oh no! I've lost my electron!" —Element#2: "Are you positive?"
Element#1: "Oh no! I've lost my electron!" —Element#2: "Are you positive?"
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Oxygen and magnesium went on a date. OMg!

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date. OMg!
Oxygen and magnesium went on a date. OMg!
Oxygen and magnesium went on a date. OMg!
Oxygen and magnesium went on a date. OMg!
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What's an acid with a serious attitude problem?

A mean-o acid

What's an acid with a serious attitude problem? / / A mean-o acid
What's an acid with a serious attitude problem? / / A mean-o acid
What's an acid with a serious attitude problem? / / A mean-o acid
What's an acid with a serious attitude problem? / / A mean-o acid
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What's Beethoven's favourite element? Sodium! Na na na naaa...

What's Beethoven's favourite element? Sodium! Na na na naaa...
What's Beethoven's favourite element? Sodium! Na na na naaa...
What's Beethoven's favourite element? Sodium! Na na na naaa...
What's Beethoven's favourite element? Sodium! Na na na naaa...
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Old chemists don't die, they just become inorganic chemists

Old chemists don't die, they just become inorganic chemists
Old chemists don't die, they just become inorganic chemists
Old chemists don't die, they just become inorganic chemists
Old chemists don't die, they just become inorganic chemists
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What did water say to sodium? I think you're overreacting.

What did water say to sodium? I think you're overreacting.
What did water say to sodium? I think you're overreacting.
What did water say to sodium? I think you're overreacting.
What did water say to sodium? I think you're overreacting.
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Which element is the coldest? Brrryllium.

Which element is the coldest? Brrryllium.
Which element is the coldest? Brrryllium.
Which element is the coldest? Brrryllium.
Which element is the coldest? Brrryllium.
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Because of its high reactivity, the slogan "If you can't join 'em, barium" was suggested

Because of its high reactivity, the slogan "If you can't join 'em, barium" was suggested
Because of its high reactivity, the slogan "If you can't join 'em, barium" was suggested
Because of its high reactivity, the slogan "If you can't join 'em, barium" was suggested
Because of its high reactivity, the slogan "If you can't join 'em, barium" was suggested
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Carbon is a girl's best friend

Carbon is a girl's best friend
Carbon is a girl's best friend
Carbon is a girl's best friend
Carbon is a girl's best friend
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H2O is just a shorter way to write HIJKLMNO

H2O is just a shorter way to write HIJKLMNO
H2O is just a shorter way to write HIJKLMNO
H2O is just a shorter way to write HIJKLMNO
H2O is just a shorter way to write HIJKLMNO
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Got a problem? Call a chemist. They can always come up with a solution.

Got a problem? Call a chemist. They can always come up with a solution.
Got a problem? Call a chemist. They can always come up with a solution.
Got a problem? Call a chemist. They can always come up with a solution.
Got a problem? Call a chemist. They can always come up with a solution.
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What is a cation? A very positive kitten.

What is a cation? A very positive kitten.
What is a cation? A very positive kitten.
What is a cation? A very positive kitten.
What is a cation? A very positive kitten.
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Do you know a good joke about sodium? Na...

Do you know a good joke about sodium? Na...
Do you know a good joke about sodium? Na...
Do you know a good joke about sodium? Na...
Do you know a good joke about sodium? Na...
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Oxygen and potassium went on a date. It was OK.

Oxygen and potassium went on a date. It was OK.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. It was OK.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. It was OK.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. It was OK.
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I blew up my lab in an experiment. That's life, oxidants happen.

I blew up my lab in an experiment. That's life, oxidants happen.
I blew up my lab in an experiment. That's life, oxidants happen.
I blew up my lab in an experiment. That's life, oxidants happen.
I blew up my lab in an experiment. That's life, oxidants happen.
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Wanted: Schrödinger's Cat. Dead or Alive.

Wanted: Schroedinger's Cat. Dead or Alive.
Wanted: Schroedinger's Cat. Dead or Alive.
Wanted: Schroedinger's Cat. Dead or Alive.
Wanted: Schroedinger's Cat. Dead or Alive.
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The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line

The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line
The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line
The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line
The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line
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According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist
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What is CH2O?

Seawater

What is CH2O? / / Seawater
What is CH2O? / / Seawater
What is CH2O? / / Seawater
What is CH2O? / / Seawater
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Did you know? You can lower your body temperature down to -273 °C and be perfectly 0 K.

Did you know? You can lower your body temperature down to -273 ?C and be perfectly 0 K.
Did you know? You can lower your body temperature down to -273 ?C and be perfectly 0 K.
Did you know? You can lower your body temperature down to -273 ?C and be perfectly 0 K.
Did you know? You can lower your body temperature down to -273 ?C and be perfectly 0 K.
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Schrödinger's Cat goes to the Doctor.

Doctor: "I have good news and bad news"

Schroedinger's Cat goes to the Doctor. / / Doctor: "I have good news and bad news"
Schroedinger's Cat goes to the Doctor. / / Doctor: "I have good news and bad news"
Schroedinger's Cat goes to the Doctor. / / Doctor: "I have good news and bad news"
Schroedinger's Cat goes to the Doctor. / / Doctor: "I have good news and bad news"
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Math problems?
Call 1‑800‑[10xln(13e)]‑[sin(xy)/2.362y]

Math problems? / Call 1-800-[10xln(13e)]-[sin(xy)/2.362y]
Math problems? / Call 1-800-[10xln(13e)]-[sin(xy)/2.362y]
Math problems? / Call 1-800-[10xln(13e)]-[sin(xy)/2.362y]
Math problems? / Call 1-800-[10xln(13e)]-[sin(xy)/2.362y]
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I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.

I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
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For every scientific question, there is an equal and opposite answer.

For every scientific question, there is an equal and opposite answer.
For every scientific question, there is an equal and opposite answer.
For every scientific question, there is an equal and opposite answer.
For every scientific question, there is an equal and opposite answer.
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The mathematician plotted his past relations on the "ex" and "why" axis

The mathematician plotted his past relations on the "ex" and "why" axis
The mathematician plotted his past relations on the "ex" and "why" axis
The mathematician plotted his past relations on the "ex" and "why" axis
The mathematician plotted his past relations on the "ex" and "why" axis
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According to scientists, 3.82 days later no one cares either way

According to scientists, 3.82 days later no one cares either way
According to scientists, 3.82 days later no one cares either way
According to scientists, 3.82 days later no one cares either way
According to scientists, 3.82 days later no one cares either way
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Scientists have discovered that people will believe almost anything if you claim that scientists have discovered it.

Scientists have discovered that people will believe almost anything if you claim that scientists have discovered it.
Scientists have discovered that people will believe almost anything if you claim that scientists have discovered it.
Scientists have discovered that people will believe almost anything if you claim that scientists have discovered it.
Scientists have discovered that people will believe almost anything if you claim that scientists have discovered it.
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The Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe

The Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe
The Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe
The Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe
The Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe
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Reading a book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

Reading a book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
Reading a book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
Reading a book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
Reading a book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
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A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number

A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number
A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number
A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number
A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number
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In space we thrust

In space we thrust
In space we thrust
In space we thrust
In space we thrust
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Plastic is made out of oil. Oil is made out of the remnants of prehistoric plants and dinosaurs. Plastic dinosaurs are therfore made out of real dinosaurs.

Plastic is made out of oil. Oil is made out of the remnants of prehistoric plants and dinosaurs. Plastic dinosaurs are therfore made out of real dinosaurs.
Plastic is made out of oil. Oil is made out of the remnants of prehistoric plants and dinosaurs. Plastic dinosaurs are therfore made out of real dinosaurs.
Plastic is made out of oil. Oil is made out of the remnants of prehistoric plants and dinosaurs. Plastic dinosaurs are therfore made out of real dinosaurs.
Plastic is made out of oil. Oil is made out of the remnants of prehistoric plants and dinosaurs. Plastic dinosaurs are therfore made out of real dinosaurs.
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And now we let the vacuum out

And now we let the vacuum out
And now we let the vacuum out
And now we let the vacuum out
And now we let the vacuum out
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Not sure if math test was so easy, or if I did everything wrong

Not sure if math test was so easy, or if I did everything wrong
Not sure if math test was so easy, or if I did everything wrong
Not sure if math test was so easy, or if I did everything wrong
Not sure if math test was so easy, or if I did everything wrong
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Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
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Geek: "May the Force be with you!" — Nerd: "May the Force be equal to the Mass multiplied by Acceleration!"

Geek: "May the Force be with you!" —Nerd: "May the Force be equal to the Mass multiplied by Acceleration!"
Geek: "May the Force be with you!" —Nerd: "May the Force be equal to the Mass multiplied by Acceleration!"
Geek: "May the Force be with you!" —Nerd: "May the Force be equal to the Mass multiplied by Acceleration!"
Geek: "May the Force be with you!" —Nerd: "May the Force be equal to the Mass multiplied by Acceleration!"
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What happens when you scream at Helium? Nothing, it doesn't react.

What happens when you scream at Helium? Nothing, it doesn't react.
What happens when you scream at Helium? Nothing, it doesn't react.
What happens when you scream at Helium? Nothing, it doesn't react.
What happens when you scream at Helium? Nothing, it doesn't react.
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