| Science and Math JokesAnd now we let the vacuum outLandlord: "There was a chemist living here before you. His name was Dr Crompsworth, maybe you've heard of him." — Tenant: "Oh, so those blue, red and green stains all over the walls stem from the chemicals in his experiments, I see." — Landlord: "Not quite. The red ones are Dr Crompsworth."
--------- Person#1: "The glass is half full" — Person#2: "The glass is half empty" — Chemist: "It's always full, only in varying ratios of liquid and gas!"
---------- Why did the military order large amounts of acid? To neutralize an enemy base.
--------- If you can't Curium and you can't Helium, find a spot to Barium.
----------------- Bartender: "What was that?". A quicker-than-light tachyon walks into the bar.
--------- Rule#1 of chemistry: Chemistry is a lot like cooking but YOU NEVER LICK THE SPOON.
----------- Eight sodium atoms walk into a bar. Followed by BATMAN. Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na.
---------- Two nerds go into a bar. Why did the second nerd die? Because the first ordered H2O, and the second ordered "H2O, too"
------------ Is Schrödinger's cat alive? Well, short answer: Technically not. Long answer: Maybe.
------------ Telling chemistry jokes is only for the brave. Often, you get no reaction.
--------------- I'm a hydrophobic. I have a fear of utility bills.
--------- Element#1: "Oh no! I've lost my electron!" — Element#2: "Are you positive?"
------------- Oxygen and magnesium went on a date. OMg!
------------ What's an acid with a serious attitude problem?
A mean-o acid
----------------- What's Beethoven's favourite element? Sodium! Na na na naaa...
-------------- Old chemists don't die, they just become inorganic chemists
------------ What did water say to sodium? I think you're overreacting.
---------------- Which element is the coldest? Brrryllium.
------------ Because of its high reactivity, the slogan "If you can't join 'em, barium" was suggested
---------------- Carbon is a girl's best friend
--------------- H2O is just a shorter way to write HIJKLMNO
----------------- Got a problem? Call a chemist. They can always come up with a solution.
---------- What is a cation? A very positive kitten.
---------------- Do you know a good joke about sodium? Na...
---------- Oxygen and potassium went on a date. It was OK.
----------- I blew up my lab in an experiment. That's life, oxidants happen.
-------------- Wanted: Schrödinger's Cat. Dead or Alive.
------------ The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line
-------------- According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist
---------------- What is CH2O?
Seawater
----------- Did you know? You can lower your body temperature down to -273 °C and be perfectly 0 K.
------------- Schrödinger's Cat goes to the Doctor.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news"
--------- Math problems? Call 1‑800‑[10xln(13e)]‑[sin(xy)/2.362y]
---------------- I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
---------------- For every scientific question, there is an equal and opposite answer.
--------------- The mathematician plotted his past relations on the "ex" and "why" axis
----------- According to scientists, 3.82 days later no one cares either way
--------------- Scientists have discovered that people will believe almost anything if you claim that scientists have discovered it.
----------------- The Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe
--------------- Reading a book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
------------ A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number
----------------- In space we thrust
--------- Plastic is made out of oil. Oil is made out of the remnants of prehistoric plants and dinosaurs. Plastic dinosaurs are therfore made out of real dinosaurs.
--------------- And now we let the vacuum out
------------- Not sure if math test was so easy, or if I did everything wrong
---------------- Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
-------------- Geek: "May the Force be with you!" — Nerd: "May the Force be equal to the Mass multiplied by Acceleration!"
--------- What happens when you scream at Helium? Nothing, it doesn't react.
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