Science and Math Jokes

And now we let the vacuum out
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Landlord: "There was a chemist living here before you. His name was Dr Crompsworth, maybe you've heard of him."  Tenant: "Oh, so those blue, red and green stains all over the walls stem from the chemicals in his experiments, I see."  Landlord: "Not quite. The red ones are Dr Crompsworth."

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Person#1: "The glass is half full"  Person#2: "The glass is half empty"  Chemist: "It's always full, only in varying ratios of liquid and gas!"

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Why did the military order large amounts of acid? To neutralize an enemy base.

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If you can't Curium and you can't Helium, find a spot to Barium.

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Bartender: "What was that?". A quicker-than-light tachyon walks into the bar.

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Rule#1 of chemistry: Chemistry is a lot like cooking but YOU NEVER LICK THE SPOON.

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Eight sodium atoms walk into a bar. Followed by BATMAN. Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na.

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Two nerds go into a bar. Why did the second nerd die? Because the first ordered H2O, and the second ordered "H2O, too"

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Is Schrödinger's cat alive? Well, short answer: Technically not. Long answer: Maybe.

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Telling chemistry jokes is only for the brave. Often, you get no reaction.

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I'm a hydrophobic. I have a fear of utility bills.

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Element#1: "Oh no! I've lost my electron!"  Element#2: "Are you positive?"

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Oxygen and magnesium went on a date. OMg!

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What's an acid with a serious attitude problem?

A mean-o acid

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What's Beethoven's favourite element? Sodium! Na na na naaa...

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Old chemists don't die, they just become inorganic chemists

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What did water say to sodium? I think you're overreacting.

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Which element is the coldest? Brrryllium.

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Because of its high reactivity, the slogan "If you can't join 'em, barium" was suggested

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Carbon is a girl's best friend

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H2O is just a shorter way to write HIJKLMNO

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Got a problem? Call a chemist. They can always come up with a solution.

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What is a cation? A very positive kitten.

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Do you know a good joke about sodium? Na...

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Oxygen and potassium went on a date. It was OK.

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I blew up my lab in an experiment. That's life, oxidants happen.

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Wanted: Schrödinger's Cat. Dead or Alive.

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The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line

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According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist

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What is CH2O?

Seawater

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Did you know? You can lower your body temperature down to -273 °C and be perfectly 0 K.

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Schrödinger's Cat goes to the Doctor.

Doctor: "I have good news and bad news"

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Math problems?
Call 1‑800‑[10xln(13e)]‑[sin(xy)/2.362y]

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I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.

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For every scientific question, there is an equal and opposite answer.

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The mathematician plotted his past relations on the "ex" and "why" axis

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According to scientists, 3.82 days later no one cares either way

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Scientists have discovered that people will believe almost anything if you claim that scientists have discovered it.

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The Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe

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Reading a book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

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A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number

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In space we thrust

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Plastic is made out of oil. Oil is made out of the remnants of prehistoric plants and dinosaurs. Plastic dinosaurs are therfore made out of real dinosaurs.

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And now we let the vacuum out

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Not sure if math test was so easy, or if I did everything wrong

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Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

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Geek: "May the Force be with you!"  Nerd: "May the Force be equal to the Mass multiplied by Acceleration!"

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What happens when you scream at Helium? Nothing, it doesn't react.

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