Cat jokes

What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing tigers and lions.
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What do cats say when somebody steps on their tail?

Me-ow!

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The contract had a few strings attached.. I played with them for several hours.

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Why do cats always get what they want?

Because of the power of the purrs!

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Dogs are like children, cats are like roommates

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I wonder what my cat named me?

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The cats are in charge. I just live here.

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Cats sleep so much, every meal is breakfast

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Did you know: Homeowner has the word meow in it.

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Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a foreign langauge and want to touch you. The life of a cat.

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You only live nince

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Said the old cat on the deathbed: "In retrospect, I could have done more with my lives"

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Where did the cat go when it lost its tail?

To the retail store

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There are two types of people: Either you're a dog person or a cat purrrson

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"I murdered someone"  Dog: "That's OK. I still love you"  Cat: "I murdered someone, too"

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What do cats wear at night?

Paw‑jamas

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What's the difference between a cat and a frog?

The cat has nine lives, the frog croaks every night

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Whom do cats call for help after an accident?

The first‑aid kitties

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What do you call a cat on the rocks?

One cool cat

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Who designed the Great Purramid of Egypt? Ancient Arcatacts using pawpyrus and fantastic catnology

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What did the cat say to the dog?

Check meow‑t!

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An old cat lady was sitting alone with her cat. Suddenly a fairy appears to grant her one wish. Old cat lady: "I want my cat to become a handsome young prince!" *poof* The fairy disappears. The prince stands up says: "Now you're gonna regret that you took me to the vet!"

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What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?

An octopuss

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What's a cat's favorite button on the tv remote?

Paws

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What do you call a cat on a boat?

A purr‑ate!

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Every cat has 9 lives. Survival kit.

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My cat is getting old, I'm gonna start calling him Granpaw.

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I have OCD. Obessive Cat Disorder.

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What time is it when ten cats chase a mouse?

Ten after one

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What is a cats favorite musical instrument?

Purr‑cussion

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What is a cats favorite kitchen tool?

The whisker

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What do you call a cat when it is huge?

A meow‑ssive cat

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What do you call a cat that doesn't use the litter box?

A pet project

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What do you call a cat that smells good?

Prrrr‑fume

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What do you call a heavy cat that walks on you?

A Press Kit

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Cat: "You're not real, Nyan Cat!"  Nyan Cat: "But I have a sparkly rainbow butt"

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A man in a movie theater notices a cat sitting next to him. "Are you a cat? What are you doing at the movies?"  Cat: "Well, I liked the book."

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What does a pride of lions say before hunting for food?

Let us prey

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I'm catholic. I've been addicted to cats my whole life.

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Why was the cat scared of the tree?

Because of its bark

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One cat to the other: "I'm a police dog."  "You? A police dog? Haha!"  "Shush, not so loud. I work for the secret police."

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Cat: "Hey, dog. Wanna try some catnip?"

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BEWARE OF THE DOG!
(I wouldn't trust the cat either!)

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When is it bad luck to see a black cat?

When you're a mouse

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Children are like dogs, teenagers like cats.

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What part of a cat has more fur?

The outside

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Special offer at the pet store: "BUY ONE CAT, GET ONE FLEA!"

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What do you use to comb a cat?

A catacomb

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Why did the cat get pulled over by the police?

Because it littered

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What do you call a painting of a cat?

A paw‑trait

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Did you hear about the cat who wanted to learn how to bark? Curiosity killed the cat.

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Why did the cat cross the street? Claws it wanted to.

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What is a felines favorite day of the week?

Caturday

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I bought new IKEA furniture and my cat helped me screwing it together. It's an assembly kit.

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What do you need to get a fast cat to use the litter box?

Quicksand

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Why was the cat so small?

Because it drank condensed milk

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Dogs can't operate an MRI machine. But catscan.

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What do you feed an invisible cat?

Evaporated milk

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What do cats like to read?

Cat‑alogues

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The purrpetrator was caught by the pawlice. Thank you, offurcer. The claw enforcement did its job.

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What looks like half a cat?

The other half

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What do you call a cat that wears make up?

Glamourpuss

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Why was the cat sitting on the keyboard?

To keep an eye on the mouse

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If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?

Their paws

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What did the cat say when she gave birth to 10 kittens?

You got to be kitten me

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What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?

A cat‑astrophe

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What was the name of the film about a great white lion that swam underwater?

Claws

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What do you call a flying cat?

Im‑paws‑ible

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What do you call a pile of kittens?

A meowntain

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What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? CAT‑HAS‑TROPHY!

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What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?

A stripey sweater

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What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo?

A stripey jumper

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Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge?

Because it turns "ice" into "mice"

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What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?

An eskimew

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What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants?

Purrr‑suasive

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What cars do cats drive?

Furraris and Catilacs

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Why are cats so good at video games?

Because they have nine lives

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Why is the cat so grouchy?

Because he's in a bad mewd

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What is a cat's favorite color?

Purrrple!

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What do tigers wear in bed?

Stripey pajamas

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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats

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What do you get if you cross a cat with a snowman?

Frostbite

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What did the cat say to the mouse? Pleased to eat you.

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What is a French cat's favorite pudding?

Chocolate mousse

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What is smarter than a talking cat?

A spelling bee

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Why did the cat wear a dress?

She was feline fine

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What does a cat like to eat on a hot day?

Mice cream

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My cat can do magic tricks. It's a magic kit.

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Who was the most powerful cat in China?

Meow Zedong

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What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?

A cat‑a‑log

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What is the cat's favorite TV show?

The evening mews

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What did the lion say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.

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What do you call a cat in a car?

Car‑pet

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Whom did the cats vote for in the presidential election?

Hillary Kitten

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How do you know when your cat's done cleaning herself? She's smoking a cigarette.

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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing tigers and lions.

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What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?

A tiger moth

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