| Cat jokesWhat's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing tigers and lions.What do cats say when somebody steps on their tail?
Me-ow!
---------------- The contract had a few strings attached.. I played with them for several hours.
------------ Why do cats always get what they want?
Because of the power of the purrs!
--------- Dogs are like children, cats are like roommates
----------- I wonder what my cat named me?
---------------- The cats are in charge. I just live here.
----------------- Cats sleep so much, every meal is breakfast
---------- Did you know: Homeowner has the word meow in it.
----------- Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a foreign langauge and want to touch you. The life of a cat.
----------------- You only live nince
------------- Said the old cat on the deathbed: "In retrospect, I could have done more with my lives"
------------ Where did the cat go when it lost its tail?
To the retail store
---------------- There are two types of people: Either you're a dog person or a cat purrrson
------------ "I murdered someone" — Dog: "That's OK. I still love you" — Cat: "I murdered someone, too"
--------- What do cats wear at night?
Paw‑jamas
--------------- What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
The cat has nine lives, the frog croaks every night
-------------- Whom do cats call for help after an accident?
The first‑aid kitties
------------ What do you call a cat on the rocks?
One cool cat
------------ Who designed the Great Purramid of Egypt? Ancient Arcatacts using pawpyrus and fantastic catnology
-------------- What did the cat say to the dog?
Check meow‑t!
-------------- An old cat lady was sitting alone with her cat. Suddenly a fairy appears to grant her one wish. Old cat lady: "I want my cat to become a handsome young prince!" *poof* The fairy disappears. The prince stands up says: "Now you're gonna regret that you took me to the vet!"
------------- What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?
An octopuss
----------- What's a cat's favorite button on the tv remote?
Paws
---------------- What do you call a cat on a boat?
A purr‑ate!
------------- Every cat has 9 lives. Survival kit.
--------------- My cat is getting old, I'm gonna start calling him Granpaw.
----------------- I have OCD. Obessive Cat Disorder.
----------------- What time is it when ten cats chase a mouse?
Ten after one
--------------- What is a cats favorite musical instrument?
Purr‑cussion
--------------- What is a cats favorite kitchen tool?
The whisker
----------------- What do you call a cat when it is huge?
A meow‑ssive cat
----------------- What do you call a cat that doesn't use the litter box?
A pet project
---------------- What do you call a cat that smells good?
Prrrr‑fume
------------- What do you call a heavy cat that walks on you?
A Press Kit
--------------- Cat: "You're not real, Nyan Cat!" — Nyan Cat: "But I have a sparkly rainbow butt"
--------- A man in a movie theater notices a cat sitting next to him. "Are you a cat? What are you doing at the movies?" — Cat: "Well, I liked the book."
------------ What does a pride of lions say before hunting for food?
Let us prey
----------- I'm catholic. I've been addicted to cats my whole life.
----------- Why was the cat scared of the tree?
Because of its bark
------------ One cat to the other: "I'm a police dog." — "You? A police dog? Haha!" — "Shush, not so loud. I work for the secret police."
---------------- Cat: "Hey, dog. Wanna try some catnip?"
------------ BEWARE OF THE DOG!
(I wouldn't trust the cat either!)
--------- When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
When you're a mouse
----------------- Children are like dogs, teenagers like cats.
--------------- What part of a cat has more fur?
The outside
--------------- Special offer at the pet store: "BUY ONE CAT, GET ONE FLEA!"
------------ What do you use to comb a cat?
A catacomb
--------- Why did the cat get pulled over by the police?
Because it littered
---------------- What do you call a painting of a cat?
A paw‑trait
------------ Did you hear about the cat who wanted to learn how to bark? Curiosity killed the cat.
--------------- Why did the cat cross the street? Claws it wanted to.
---------------- What is a felines favorite day of the week?
Caturday
-------------- I bought new IKEA furniture and my cat helped me screwing it together. It's an assembly kit.
----------- What do you need to get a fast cat to use the litter box?
Quicksand
--------------- Why was the cat so small?
Because it drank condensed milk
---------- Dogs can't operate an MRI machine. But catscan.
-------------- What do you feed an invisible cat?
Evaporated milk
----------- What do cats like to read?
Cat‑alogues
------------- The purrpetrator was caught by the pawlice. Thank you, offurcer. The claw enforcement did its job.
------------ What looks like half a cat?
The other half
--------- What do you call a cat that wears make up?
Glamourpuss
---------------- Why was the cat sitting on the keyboard?
To keep an eye on the mouse
--------------- If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
Their paws
------------- What did the cat say when she gave birth to 10 kittens?
You got to be kitten me
---------------- What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?
A cat‑astrophe
----------------- What was the name of the film about a great white lion that swam underwater?
Claws
------------- What do you call a flying cat?
Im‑paws‑ible
--------------- What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowntain
------------- What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? CAT‑HAS‑TROPHY!
--------------- What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A stripey sweater
--------- What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo?
A stripey jumper
----------- Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge?
Because it turns "ice" into "mice"
------------- What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?
An eskimew
----------- What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants?
Purrr‑suasive
--------------- What cars do cats drive?
Furraris and Catilacs
---------- Why are cats so good at video games?
Because they have nine lives
--------------- Why is the cat so grouchy?
Because he's in a bad mewd
--------- What is a cat's favorite color?
Purrrple!
----------------- What do tigers wear in bed?
Stripey pajamas
------------- There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
None, because they were copycats
---------------- What do you get if you cross a cat with a snowman?
Frostbite
----------------- What did the cat say to the mouse? Pleased to eat you.
----------- What is a French cat's favorite pudding?
Chocolate mousse
------------ What is smarter than a talking cat?
A spelling bee
----------------- Why did the cat wear a dress?
She was feline fine
----------- What does a cat like to eat on a hot day?
Mice cream
----------------- My cat can do magic tricks. It's a magic kit.
--------------- Who was the most powerful cat in China?
Meow Zedong
------------- What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?
A cat‑a‑log
-------------- What is the cat's favorite TV show?
The evening mews
------------ What did the lion say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
------------ What do you call a cat in a car?
Car‑pet
--------------- Whom did the cats vote for in the presidential election?
Hillary Kitten
--------- How do you know when your cat's done cleaning herself? She's smoking a cigarette.
-------------- What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?
Kitty Perry
---------- What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing tigers and lions.
--------- What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
A tiger moth
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