Cat jokes

What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing tigers and lions.
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Dogs are like children, cats are like roommates

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I wonder what my cat named me?

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Did you know: Homeowner has the word meow in it.

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Cats sleep so much every meal is breakfast

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Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a foreign langauge and want to touch you. The life of a dog.

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You only live nince

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Said the old cat on the deathbed: "In retrospect, I could have done more with my lives"

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The cats are in charge. I just live here.

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Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? To the retail store.

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There are two types of people: Either you're a dog person or a cat purrrson

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"I murdered someone"  Dog: "That's OK. I still love you"  Cat: "I murdered someone, too"

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Cat: "Hey, dog. Wanna try some catnip?"

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One cat to the other: "I'm a police dog."  "You? A police dog? Haha!"  "Shush, not so loud. I work for the secret police."

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BEWARE OF THE DOG!
(I wouldn't trust the cat either!)

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Children are like dogs, teenagers like cats.

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When is it bad luck to see a black cat?

When you're a mouse.

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What part of a cat has more fur?

The outside.

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What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb.

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Special offer at the pet store: "BUY ONE CAT, GET ONE FLEA!"

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Why did the cat get pulled over by the police? Because it littered.

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What do you call a painting of a cat? A paw‑trait.

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Why did the cat cross the street? Claws it wanted to.

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Did you hear about the cat who wanted to learn how to bark? Curiosity killed the cat.

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What is a felines favorite day of the week? Caturday.

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What do you need to get a fast cat to use the litter box? Quicksand.

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I bought new IKEA furniture and my cat helped me screwing it together. It's an assembly kit.

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Why was the cat so small? Because it drank condensed milk.

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What's the difference between a cat and a frog? The cat has nine lives, the frog croaks every night.

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What do cats wear at night? Paw‑jamas.

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Whom do cats call for help after an accident? The first‑aid kitties.

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Who designed the Great Purramid of Egypt? Ancient Arcatacts using pawpyrus and fantastic catnology

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What do you call a cat on the rocks? One cool cat.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Check meow‑t!

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An old cat lady was sitting alone with her cat. Suddenly a fairy appears to grant her one wish. Old cat lady: "I want my cat to become a handsome young prince!" *poof* The fairy disappears. The prince stands up says: "Now you're gonna regret that you took me to the vet!"

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What's a cat's favorite button on the tv remote? Paws.

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What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim? An octopuss.

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What do you call a cat on a boat? A purr‑ate!

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My cat is getting old, I'm gonna start calling him Granpaw.

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Every cat has 9 lives. Survival kit.

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I have OCD. Obessive Cat Disorder.

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What is a cats favorite musical instrument? Purr‑cussion.

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What time is it when ten cats chase a mouse? Ten After One.

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What is a cats favorite kitchen tool? The whisker.

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What do you call a cat when it is huge? A meow‑ssive cat.

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What do you call a cat that smells good? prrrr‑fume.

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What do you call a cat that doesn't use the litter box? A pet project.

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What do you call a heavy cat that walks on you? A Press Kit.

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A man in a movie theater notices a cat sitting next to him. "Are you a cat? What are you doing at the movies?"  Cat: "Well, I liked the book."

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Cat: "You're not real, Nyan Cat!"  Nyan Cat: "But I have a sparkly rainbow butt"

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What does a pride of lions say before hunting for food? Let us prey.

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Why was the cat scared of the tree? Because of its bark.

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I'm catholic. I've been addicted to cats my whole life.

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Dogs can't operate an MRI machine. But catscan.

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What do you feed an invisible cat? Evaporated milk.

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The purrpetrator was caught by the pawlice. Thank you, offurcer. The claw enforcement did its job.

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What do cats like to read? Cat‑alogues.

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What looks like half a cat?

The other half.

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Why was the cat sitting on the keyboard? To keep an eye on the mouse.

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What do you call a cat that wears make up? Glamourpuss.

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If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.

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What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have? A cat‑astrophe.

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What did the cat say when she gave birth to 10 kittens? You got to be kitten me.

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What was the name of the film about a great white lion that swam underwater? Claws.

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What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.

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What do you call a flying cat? I'm‑paws‑ible.

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What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? CAT‑HAS‑TROPHY!

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What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep? A stripey sweater.

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Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge? Because it turns "ice" into "mice".

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What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo? A stripey jumper.

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What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew.

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What cars do cats drive? Furraris and Catilacs.

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What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants? Purrr‑suasive.

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Why are cats so good at video games? Because they have nine lives.

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What is a cat's favorite color? Purrrple!

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Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he's in a bad mewd.

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What do tigers wear in bed? Stripey pyjamas.

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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left? None, because they were copycats.

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What did the cat say to the mouse? Pleased to eat you.

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What do you get if you cross a cat with a snowman? Frostbite.

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What is a French cat's favorite pudding? Chocolate mousse.

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Why did the cat wear a dress? She was feline fine.

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What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.

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What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? Mice cream.

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My cat can do magic tricks. It's a magic kit.

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What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree? A cat‑a‑log.

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Who was the most powerful cat in China? Meow Zedong.

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What is the cat's favorite TV show? The evening mews.

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What did the lion say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.

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Whom did the cats vote for in the presidential election? Hillary Kitten.

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What do you call a cat in a car? Car‑pet.

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How do you know when your cat's done cleaning herself? She's smoking a cigarette.

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What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head? A tiger moth.

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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry.

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What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing tigers and lions.

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