Cat jokes

What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing tigers and lions.
  • New
  • Short
  • Abc
  • Unsorted
Why do cats always get what they want? Because of the power of the purrs!

---------
The contract had a few strings attached.. I played with them for several hours.

------------
Dogs are like children, cats are like roommates

-----------
I wonder what my cat named me?

----------------
Did you know: Homeowner has the word meow in it.

-----------
Cats sleep so much every meal is breakfast

----------
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a foreign langauge and want to touch you. The life of a dog.

-----------------
You only live nince

-------------
Said the old cat on the deathbed: "In retrospect, I could have done more with my lives"

------------
The cats are in charge. I just live here.

-----------------
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? To the retail store.

----------------
There are two types of people: Either you're a dog person or a cat purrrson

------------
"I murdered someone"  Dog: "That's OK. I still love you"  Cat: "I murdered someone, too"

---------
Cat: "Hey, dog. Wanna try some catnip?"

------------
One cat to the other: "I'm a police dog."  "You? A police dog? Haha!"  "Shush, not so loud. I work for the secret police."

----------------
BEWARE OF THE DOG!
(I wouldn't trust the cat either!)

---------
Children are like dogs, teenagers like cats.

---------------
When is it bad luck to see a black cat?

When you're a mouse.

-----------------
What part of a cat has more fur?

The outside.

---------------
What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb.

---------
Special offer at the pet store: "BUY ONE CAT, GET ONE FLEA!"

------------
Why did the cat get pulled over by the police? Because it littered.

----------------
What do you call a painting of a cat? A paw‑trait.

------------
Why did the cat cross the street? Claws it wanted to.

----------------
Did you hear about the cat who wanted to learn how to bark? Curiosity killed the cat.

---------------
What is a felines favorite day of the week? Caturday.

--------------
What do you need to get a fast cat to use the litter box? Quicksand.

---------------
I bought new IKEA furniture and my cat helped me screwing it together. It's an assembly kit.

-----------
Why was the cat so small? Because it drank condensed milk.

----------
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? The cat has nine lives, the frog croaks every night.

--------------
What do cats wear at night? Paw‑jamas.

---------------
Whom do cats call for help after an accident? The first‑aid kitties.

------------
Who designed the Great Purramid of Egypt? Ancient Arcatacts using pawpyrus and fantastic catnology

--------------
What do you call a cat on the rocks? One cool cat.

------------
What did the cat say to the dog? Check meow‑t!

--------------
An old cat lady was sitting alone with her cat. Suddenly a fairy appears to grant her one wish. Old cat lady: "I want my cat to become a handsome young prince!" *poof* The fairy disappears. The prince stands up says: "Now you're gonna regret that you took me to the vet!"

-------------
What's a cat's favorite button on the tv remote? Paws.

----------------
What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim? An octopuss.

-----------
What do you call a cat on a boat? A purr‑ate!

-------------
My cat is getting old, I'm gonna start calling him Granpaw.

-----------------
Every cat has 9 lives. Survival kit.

---------------
I have OCD. Obessive Cat Disorder.

-----------------
What is a cats favorite musical instrument? Purr‑cussion.

---------------
What time is it when ten cats chase a mouse? Ten After One.

---------------
What is a cats favorite kitchen tool? The whisker.

-----------------
What do you call a cat when it is huge? A meow‑ssive cat.

-----------------
What do you call a cat that smells good? prrrr‑fume.

-------------
What do you call a cat that doesn't use the litter box? A pet project.

----------------
What do you call a heavy cat that walks on you? A Press Kit.

---------------
A man in a movie theater notices a cat sitting next to him. "Are you a cat? What are you doing at the movies?"  Cat: "Well, I liked the book."

------------
Cat: "You're not real, Nyan Cat!"  Nyan Cat: "But I have a sparkly rainbow butt"

---------
What does a pride of lions say before hunting for food? Let us prey.

-----------
Why was the cat scared of the tree? Because of its bark.

------------
I'm catholic. I've been addicted to cats my whole life.

-----------
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine. But catscan.

--------------
What do you feed an invisible cat? Evaporated milk.

-----------
The purrpetrator was caught by the pawlice. Thank you, offurcer. The claw enforcement did its job.

------------
What do cats like to read? Cat‑alogues.

-------------
What looks like half a cat?

The other half.

---------
Why was the cat sitting on the keyboard? To keep an eye on the mouse.

---------------
What do you call a cat that wears make up? Glamourpuss.

----------------
If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.

-------------
What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have? A cat‑astrophe.

-----------------
What did the cat say when she gave birth to 10 kittens? You got to be kitten me.

----------------
What was the name of the film about a great white lion that swam underwater? Claws.

-------------
What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.

-------------
What do you call a flying cat? I'm‑paws‑ible.

---------------
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? CAT‑HAS‑TROPHY!

---------------
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep? A stripey sweater.

---------
Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge? Because it turns "ice" into "mice".

-------------
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo? A stripey jumper.

-----------
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew.

-----------
What cars do cats drive? Furraris and Catilacs.

----------
What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants? Purrr‑suasive.

---------------
Why are cats so good at video games? Because they have nine lives.

---------------
What is a cat's favorite color? Purrrple!

-----------------
Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he's in a bad mewd.

---------
What do tigers wear in bed? Stripey pyjamas.

-------------
There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left? None, because they were copycats.

----------------
What did the cat say to the mouse? Pleased to eat you.

-----------
What do you get if you cross a cat with a snowman? Frostbite.

-----------------
What is a French cat's favorite pudding? Chocolate mousse.

------------
Why did the cat wear a dress? She was feline fine.

-----------
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.

-----------------
What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? Mice cream.

-----------------
My cat can do magic tricks. It's a magic kit.

---------------
What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree? A cat‑a‑log.

--------------
Who was the most powerful cat in China? Meow Zedong.

-------------
What is the cat's favorite TV show? The evening mews.

------------
What did the lion say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.

------------
Whom did the cats vote for in the presidential election? Hillary Kitten.

---------
What do you call a cat in a car? Car‑pet.

---------------
How do you know when your cat's done cleaning herself? She's smoking a cigarette.

--------------
What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head? A tiger moth.

-------------
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry.

----------
What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing tigers and lions.

---------







1837 jokes
[x]