Funny occupation descriptions

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit
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I'm a juror. I decide which side has the best lawyer.

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I'm a criminal. If things are going well, I mustn't tell anyone. If things aren't going well, everybody knows it.

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Diplomat: Someone who is paid to dine for his country

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He's an economist. He predicted 12 of the last 4 recessions.

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Economist: Someone whose explanations always fit retrospectively

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Economist: Someone who gets paid by how intelligent they sound

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I'm a lawyer. I represent people who can pay my bills.

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Teacher: Someone who talks in our sleep

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A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.

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Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money

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Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion

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Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit

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Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant

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Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand

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Plumber: A drain surgeon

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Chef: A cook who swears in French

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Taxi Driver: Worker who earns a living by driving customers away

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Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone

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Cardiologist: Someone who studies playing cards

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2190 jokes
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