Murphy's Laws for the Military, Snafu slogans for troops

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder
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If you find yourself in front of your comrades, they know something you don't

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The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away for repair

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If you have a personality conflict with your superior, he has the personality, you have the conflict

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Smart bombs have bad days too

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The seriousness of a wound is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover

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Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you

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The quartermaster has only three sizes: Too large, Too small, On order

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The weight of your equipment is proportional to the time you have been carrying it

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There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work

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The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he's ordered to carry out

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Odd objects attract fire. You are odd.

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If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him

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If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it

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Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything

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There is no such place as a convenient foxhole

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The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance

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When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible

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Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short

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The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator

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The worse the weather, the more you're required to be out in it

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If your positions are firmly set and you're prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.

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The crucial round is a dud

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The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.

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When you have sufficient supplies and ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you're low on supplies and ammo, the enemy decides to attack that night.

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For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (in boot camp)

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No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

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Everything works in your HQ, everything fails in the Colonel's HQ

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The one item you need is always in short supply

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Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself

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If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything

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No matter which way you have to march, it's always uphill

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Field experience is something you don't get until after you need it

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The enemy never watches until you make a mistake

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You're a magnet for mud and rain

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Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you're low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn

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Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps

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Exceptions prove the rule and destroy the battle plan

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Success occurs when nobody is looking, failure occurs when the Admiral is watching

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Success occurs when nobody is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching

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Uncrating and assembly instructions are always inside the crate

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All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather

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Mudproof parts, aren't

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Interchangeable parts, aren't

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Weather ain't neutral

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Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing

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Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support

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Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way

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The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire

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The easy way is always mined

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Five second fuses only last three seconds

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No Operation Plan ever survives initial contact

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The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a) When they're ready. b) When you're not.

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The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack

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If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush

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If the enemy is within range, so are you

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Every command that can be misunderstood will be misunderstood

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Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder

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