| Real estate jokesIt's free real estateIt's free real estate
-------------- How does a dual agent sleep? Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
------------ What do you need to know to become a great vacant land salesperson? Lots.
---------- The neighbors always leave their sprinklers on which very annoying. It's a source of constant irrigation.
----------------- I finally figured out how to make a million dollars in the real estate business. You start out with two million.
----------- "I robbed a shop last night" — "What did you get?" — "11 pictures. The cheapest one is worth over $180,000." — "Dude, these are from a real estate agents shop."
----------- No matter how many ways he tried, he was unable to split it up the large property into any number of equal sized parcels. The problem was, it was a piece of prime real estate.
------------- What do you call alligators interested in real estate?
Invest-igators
---------------- What do you call a detective in the real estate business?
Sherlock Homes
----------- How many insects do you need to make money from your rental unit? Tenants.
---------------- Why did the house go to the doctor? It had a window pane.
-------------- What do British real estate agents care most about? Their proper tea.
------------ My bread and butter are listings with finished basements. They're my best cellars!
---------- I'm getting married to a top producing realtor tomorrow. Check out the diamond engagement ring he sold me.
------------ I was offered the chance to buy some real estate in Egypt's Valley of the Kings. But it turned out to be just a pyramid selling scheme.
----------------- 90% of the people in this city hate carpeting. The other 10% hate YOUR carpeting.
------------ My clients put in an offer on a two story house. One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
----------------- Here, have a roof. It's on the house.
----------------- What does a house wear?
Address
----------------- CRM salesperson: "This CRM will cut your workload in half" — Real Estate Agent: "Wonderful, then I'll take two!"
--------------- What do great affordable contractors have in common with UFOs? You always hear stories about them, but no one you know has actually seen one.
---------------- The price of real estate in my neighbourhood has become so expensive only cats can afford it
--------- "Meh, that realtor doesn't look so strong. I bet I can take him in a fight!" — "Are you crazy? That guy says he flips houses in his spare time!"
------------- Did you hear about the last remaining unit in the apartment building? It was last but not leased.
----------------- My buyer didn't have a lot of money for an apartment to spend so I asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
----------------- What's the difference between realtors and a mortgage brokers? Mortgage brokers know they're boring.
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