| Sh*t nobody says "I look so sexy when I sneeze""I'm a serial killer."
-------------- "Mmm, a fart! Thank you."
---------- "Steward, can you show me again how to fasten my seatbelt?"
-------------- "YESSS! A red light!"
----------------- "Only one potato chip for me, thank you."
------------ "I can't believe how simple it was to get to the right person when calling the bank."
-------------- "Please board the plane early. We're going to take off earlier than planned."
------------- "I'm opposed to the exploitation of animals, so I'm going to go tell off those Hell's Angels about the leather they're wearing."
---------------- "Why, yes, officer, I do have a quantity of drugs in my car. Here, let me show you my stash."
--------------- "I prefer Internet Explorer 6."
---------------- "Yes, officer, I've been drinking tonight."
----------- "Make sure you get a bunch of finger prints on my computer screen."
----------------- DJ in the club: "I will now play the same song a second time but more quietly."
------------ "I love rainy summers, so I can prepare better for autumn."
---------------- "Hang on, I'm still reading these Terms of Service. Ok, I don't agree."
---------------- "I LOVE the sound of my alarm clock."
----------- "From time to time I like to have the IRS audit my taxes, just to be sure I am doing them correctly."
------------ "I'm shipping out for 14 months. I need you to keep a close eye on my girlfriend."
---------- "I could go Republican or Democrat this year. Either way, the American people are the real winners."
--------------- "I hope he asks me to help him move."
----------------- "Your duckface pictures are so sexy."
----------------- "My internet is way too fast."
--------------- "I love it when you read my texts over my shoulder."
------------- "Hey, your shoe is tied."
--------------- "YESSS!!! A cop is behind me, I feel so blessed."
--------------- "It's fun to untangle my headphones."
------------- "I don't know, let's yahoo it."
--------- "Gas is soo damn cheap these days... ROAD TRIP!!!"
------------ "Hey teacher, I wasn't assigned enough homework."
---------- "I love final exams."
-------------- "YESSS!!! There's no toilet paper."
---------- "Sweet, this traffic jam is awesome!"
-------------- "Lets follow that cop!"
------------- "I love the 30 second ads before a youtube video!"
---------- "I love using porta-potties."
---------- "I had enough internet this year."
--------------
"I look so sexy when I sneeze"
----------------- "Why can't we just go to school during summer?"
--------------- |
