Sh*t nobody says

"I look so sexy when I sneeze"
  • New
  • Short
  • Abc
  • Unsorted

DJ in the club: "I will now play the same song a second time but more quietly."

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"I love rainy summers, so I can prepare better for autumn."

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"Hang on, I'm still reading these Terms of Service. Ok, I don't agree."

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"I LOVE the sound of my alarm clock."

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"From time to time I like to have the IRS audit my taxes, just to be sure I am doing them correctly."

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"I'm shipping out for 14 months. I need you to keep a close eye on my girlfriend."

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"I could go Republican or Democrat this year. Either way, the American people are the real winners."

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"I'm a serial killer."

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"Mmm, a fart! Thank you."

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"Steward, can you show me again how to fasten my seatbelt?"

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"YESSS! A red light!"

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"Only one potato chip for me, thank you."

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"I can't believe how simple it was to get to the right person when calling the bank."

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"Please board the plane early. We're going to take off earlier than planned."

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"I'm opposed to the exploitation of animals, so I'm going to go tell off those Hell's Angels about the leather they're wearing."

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"Why, yes, officer, I do have a quantity of drugs in my car. Here, let me show you my stash."

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"I prefer Internet Explorer 6."

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"Yes, officer, I've been drinking tonight."

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"Make sure you get a bunch of finger prints on my computer screen."

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"I hope he asks me to help him move."

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"Your duckface pictures are so sexy."

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"My internet is way too fast."

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"I love it when you read my texts over my shoulder."

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"Hey, your shoe is tied."

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"YESSS!!! A cop is behind me, I feel so blessed."

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"It's fun to untangle my headphones."

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"I don't know, let's yahoo it."

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"Gas is soo damn cheap these days... ROAD TRIP!!!"

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"Hey teacher, I wasn't assigned enough homework."

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"I love final exams."

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"YESSS!!! There's no toilet paper."

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"Sweet, this traffic jam is awesome!"

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"Lets follow that cop!"

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"I love the 30 second ads before a youtube video!"

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"I love using porta-potties."

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"I had enough internet this year."

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"Why can't we just go to school during summer?"

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"I look so sexy when I sneeze"

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