Sh*t nobody says

"I look so sexy when I sneeze"
  • New
  • Short
  • Abc
  • Unsorted
DJ in the club: "I will now play the same song a second time but more quietly."

------------
"I love rainy summers, so I can prepare better for autumn."

----------------
"Hang on, I'm still reading these Terms of Service. Ok, I don't agree."

----------------
"I LOVE the sound of my alarm clock."

-----------
"From time to time I like to have the IRS audit my taxes, just to be sure I am doing them correctly."

------------
"I'm shipping out for 14 months. I need you to keep a close eye on my girlfriend."

----------
"I could go Republican or Democrat this year. Either way, the American people are the real winners."

---------------
"I'm a serial killer."

--------------
"Mmm, a fart! Thank you."

----------
"Steward, can you show me again how to fasten my seatbelt?"

--------------
"YESSS! A red light!"

-----------------
"Only one potato chip for me, thank you."

------------
"I can't believe how simple it was to get to the right person when calling the bank."

--------------
"Please board the plane early. We're going to take off earlier than planned."

-------------
"I'm opposed to the exploitation of animals, so I'm going to go tell off those Hell's Angels about the leather they're wearing."

----------------
"Why, yes, officer, I do have a quantity of drugs in my car. Here, let me show you my stash."

---------------
"I prefer Internet Explorer 6."

----------------
"Yes, officer, I've been drinking tonight."

-----------
"Make sure you get a bunch of finger prints on my computer screen."

-----------------
"I hope he asks me to help him move."

-----------------
"Your duckface pictures are so sexy."

-----------------
"My internet is way too fast."

---------------
"I love it when you read my texts over my shoulder."

-------------
"Hey, your shoe is tied."

---------------
"YESSS!!! A cop is behind me, I feel so blessed."

---------------
"It's fun to untangle my headphones."

-------------
"I don't know, let's yahoo it."

---------
"Gas is soo damn cheap these days... ROAD TRIP!!!"

------------
"Hey teacher, I wasn't assigned enough homework."

----------
"I love final exams."

--------------
"YESSS!!! There's no toilet paper."

----------
"Sweet, this traffic jam is awesome!"

--------------
"Lets follow that cop!"

-------------
"I love the 30 second ads before a youtube video!"

----------
"I love using porta-potties."

----------
"I had enough internet this year."

--------------
"Why can't we just go to school during summer?"

---------------

"I look so sexy when I sneeze"

-----------------




[x]