Shower thoughts

Mars is populated by robots
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When you wake up from a really good dream, reality becomes the nightmare

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If a dog could use a computer, he'd likely have his owner as his desktop background

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When you kill a fly and put it in the trash with all the dirt and rotten stuff, it's like heaven for a fly

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When you buy and use drain cleaner, you are pouring money down the drain

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If our bum cheeks were sideways they would clap everytime we ran

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The pebble in your shoe is older than you

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A hamburger doesn't have a front or back until you bite it

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Your age is just the number of laps you've done on earth around the sun

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You think you're unique until you choose a username

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The Great Wall of China has attracted more foreigners into China than it has ever kept out

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Bears are dog software running on gorilla hardware

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You can't stand backwards on stairs, but you can walk backwards on them

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Space is only 100 km away. That's like an hour long drive.

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Tissue companies profit off sickness, sadness and shame

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When you're healthy it's "Don't do drugs, stay in school!"

When you're sick it's "Don't do school, stay on drugs!"

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Shoes are miniature portable floors

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Cells multiply by dividing

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Knowing you have the next day off is more relaxing than having an actual day off

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Someone who is in front of you is 40000 kilometers behind you

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Blowing out candles on your birthday is a symbol of extinguishing of a year of your life

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If you work 40 hours a week at an office for 20+ years, you will have seen your co-workers more than you've ever seen your parents, siblings, or spouse.

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WW1 started with an Austrian guy getting shot.

WW2 ended with an Austrian guy getting shot.

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Listening to a single instrument in a song is like staring with your ears

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Buying a wallet is like trading a book for a shelf

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Earth will always be stuck between Love (Venus) and War (Mars)

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You are the most recent person to read this text

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If you could hear people's thoughts in the gym, it would sound like an angry kindergarten: Lots of people straining hard to count to a relatively low number.

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Teachers scared us into doing our homework by telling us we were going to be garbage men, but never told us garbage men make more than them

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Waking up from a good dream feels worse than waking up from a nightmare

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Your carkeys have traveled farther than your car

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If reincarnation is real, women are respawn points

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Clapping is hitting yourself because you like something to make others feel better

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Exercising is hurting yourself until you build up an immunity to hurting yourself

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A spoon is a small bowl to eat from a large bowl

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If highschool were a movie, highschoolers wouldn't be allowed to watch it

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If elevators didn't exist, the penthouse would be for poor people

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Farts are the ghosts of the food we ate

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Coffee is just bean soup

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As an adult any "free time" is just procrastination

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When you die, the person who will visit you the most is the guy who mows around your tombstone

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What if showering makes us more attuned to the universe?

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Cannibalism would solve both world hunger and overpopulation

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Food tastes different when cold. Heat is a flavor.

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A lot of wires are needed to make wireless communication possible

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The fact that we can't fully control our own organs and bodily functions is like we don't have admin privileges of our own bodies

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Strawberry-flavoured things don't taste like strawberry, but they all taste like each other

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If everyone on earth jumped at once, there would be no humans on earth for a second

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The photograph which will be used at your own funeral, maybe has been already taken

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Using your laptop to charge your phone = blood transfusion for electronics

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If you get a dollar for every woman/man who doesn't find you attractive, they might, in the end, find you attractive

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You have the same amount of gold medals as almost every athlete who participated in the Olympics.

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You have more ancestors than any of your ancestors, and you will have more descendants than any of your descendants

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Flu medicines advertise they can stop your symptoms so you can go to work. Thus spreading more flu. Thus selling more medicine.

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Every time you kill a fly, you are eliminating a fly that is slow, only leaving the fast ones behind. Natural selection of flies at work, and you are a part of it.

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Many of us have, as children, visited a relative's house and still have no idea to this day who that relative is

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Puberty is a massive software and hardware update that takes a couple of years

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Languages travel at the speed of sound. Sign language travels at the speed of light.

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Attending a funeral is like watching end credits for 2 hours

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The first inventor invented inventions

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For introverts, the key to their home is the key to happiness

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Pulling the plug on a braindead patient is like kicking someone for inactivity

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Seeing is basically echolocation with sound except with light, and instead of us making a noise there is a giant screaming monster in the sky

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Emptying your pockets = checking your inventory

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Blackboards with white chalk is the original dark theme

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If we domesticated bears as we did wolves, we would have real teddy bears

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Technically you eat a pizza starting from the middle going outwards

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Bottled water companies don't produce water, they produce plastic bottles

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Living people eat dead mushrooms and living mushrooms eat dead people

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School is no longer about learning but about passing

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Brain surgery is one brain helping out another brain

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If you're 15 minutes late they will be upset at you. But if you're 2 days late they will be glad that you're OK.

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Artificial diamonds are literal carbon copies

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There are only three naturally occurring citrus fruits (of which lemons and limes are not a part of), all others are just hybrids from them. Therefore life did not give us lemons, we made lemons out of life.

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Video games used to be released as completely finished products without the ability to provide updates

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Ctrl+F, Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V and Ctrl+Z have done more to improve humanity than most of us ever will

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If pigs could fly, their wings would probably taste really good

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Our belly buttons are the same thing as the holes in fruits where the stem goes

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What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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Some people shout "Fire!" to save lives, some people shout it to end them

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There are more airplanes in the sea than submarines in the sky

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The guy who invented the phrase "one hit wonder", probably never came up with another famous expression

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If you are 70 years old you have spent TEN YEARS of your life on Monday

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It's impossible to break a mirror. You just get more mirrors.

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If all the USB ports in the world were flipped over, no one would notice

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The only thing worse than having a job is looking for one

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It's easier to win an argument with a smart person, than it is with a really stupid person

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Earth is the third planet from the sun. So technically, every problem is a third world problem.

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If you run at 10pm, you're a night person. If you run at 5am, you're a morning person. If you run at 3am, you're a suspicious person.

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A bed is a shelf for your body when you're not using it

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Your skeleton is not inside of you, but you (the brain) are inside of your skeleton

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What if NASA scientists are aliens trying to get home with primitive technology?

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Dentists are reverse tooth fairies. They give you teeth and then take your money.

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Food tastes better when you take it from someone else

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There are thousands of dustmites on your bed. You never sleep alone.

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Someone's therapist knows all about you

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The first 35 years of your life is just the tutorial

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Hunger is the greatest flavor enhancer

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Every single decision you made in your life led you to read this

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All of your furniture could fit on your ceiling

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Swans are loud, aggressive, territorial, and an emblem of romantic love

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For your stomach all potatoes are mashed

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When the first child is born on Mars we will have to add Planet Of Birth to our passports

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Angling would be a lot different if fishes could scream

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My pizza delivery boy is my owner because he gives me food

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When you bite down, you're actually biting up

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You're gonna be the first person to be born and the last person to die in your lifetime

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To fall asleep you must pretend you're sleeping

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Bullets do their job after they are fired

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The speed of a clock's second hand is 1 rpm

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The Japanese flag is a pie chart of how much Japan is really Japan

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A ton of people is approximately 12 people

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If you're watching the sun set, someone on the other side of the world is watching it rise

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Electric cigarettes can make you addicted to technology

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Most people are buried in suits. A zombie apocalypse would be a formal event.

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No one has ever been in an empty room

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People who tell me "Don't tell me what to do" are hippocrites

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We renew our cells every 7 years. We're all at most 7‑year‑olds.

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You're not stuck in traffic. You are the traffic.

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Clapping is hitting yourself because you like something

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Technically speaking, isn't your best friend your worst enemy?

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Mars is populated by robots

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Doing something like a boss = pay someone to do it

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