| Shower thoughtsMars is populated by robotsA broken clock shows the correct time twice a day. A working clock may never show the correct time.
----------------- What if spiders had the same weight as dogs and were equally fond of jumping on you?
---------------- I will never be able to touch my right elbow with my right hand
--------- A birth certificate is a baby receipt
---------- The arms of our chairs are chairs for our arms
--------- Maybe plants are farming us by fertilizing us with Oxygen until we die so they can eat us when we decompose?
--------- Buying glasses is paying money to see other people
----------- When you stack a lasagna on top of a lasagna, you still have only one lasagna
When you add one train to another train, you still have only one train
---------------- When someone says you're One in a million, they're still saying there's 7700 people like you
------------ If you lose your thumb, you lose your middle finger
------------- All spoons in a restaurant have been in someone else's mouth
------------ Pizza in a box = Triangles served in a circle in a square container
----------- Parking tickets are speeding tickets for going 0 mph
------------- Clapping is giving yourself a high five for someone else's work
----------------- The brain needs a few milliseconds to process information. So technically, for our brain, our body is living in the future.
---------------- The brain is the only organ that named itself
----------- Knocking at someone's door is punching their house until they give you attention
----------- Antacrtica ist the most intelligent continent on earth since it's populated mostly by scientists
----------------- Taxes are a subscription fee to your country that you can't cancel even if you don't like the service
---------------- Two people born at the same exact time can have different birthyears due to different timezones
----------- Your age in years is how many times you've circled the sun. Your age in months is how many times the moon has circled you.
---------------- The fatter you are, the higher your chance of winning spin the bottle
----------------- A bottomless pit is the safest pit to fall into
---------------- Social anxiety is just conspiracy theories about yourself
-------------- When a watch finally stops working, it shows the exact time of its death
--------------- The phrase "Eat sh*t and die!" is actually a health warning
-------------- If you die in a shower, your last tought will be... a showerthought
--------- When in a bad mood, every bump on a road feels like a personal attack
------------- Walking at 3mph is calming and enjoyable.
Driving a car at 3mph is aggrevating and painful.
Driving a car at 30mph is calming and enjoyable.
Walking at 30mph is aggrevating and painful.
-------------- When you wake up from a really good dream, reality becomes the nightmare
----------------- If a dog could use a computer, he'd likely have his owner as his desktop background
-------------- The pebble in your shoe is older than you
--------------- A hamburger doesn't have a front or back until you bite it
---------- When you kill a fly and put it in the trash with all the dirt and rotten stuff, it's like heaven for a fly
------------ When you buy and use drain cleaner, you are pouring money down the drain
------------ If our bum cheeks were sideways they would clap everytime we ran
----------------- Your age is just the number of laps you've done on earth around the sun
----------- Tissue companies profit off sickness, sadness and shame
--------------- When you're healthy it's "Don't do drugs, stay in school!"
When you're sick it's "Don't do school, stay on drugs!"
--------- Shoes are miniature portable floors
------------- Cells multiply by dividing
---------------- Knowing you have the next day off is more relaxing than having an actual day off
--------- Someone who is in front of you is 40000 kilometers behind you
--------------- Blowing out candles on your birthday is a symbol of extinguishing of a year of your life
--------------- If you work 40 hours a week at an office for 20+ years, you will have seen your co-workers more than you've ever seen your parents, siblings, or spouse.
-------------- WW1 started with an Austrian guy getting shot.
WW2 ended with an Austrian guy getting shot.
---------- Listening to a single instrument in a song is like staring with your ears
---------------- You think you're unique until you choose a username
------------- The Great Wall of China has attracted more foreigners into China than it has ever kept out
----------------- Bears are dog software running on gorilla hardware
---------- You can't stand backwards on stairs, but you can walk backwards on them
---------------- Space is only 100 km away. That's like an hour long drive.
--------------- If you could hear people's thoughts in the gym, it would sound like an angry kindergarten: Lots of people straining hard to count to a relatively low number.
-------------- If reincarnation is real, women are respawn points
------------ Clapping is hitting yourself to make others feel better
----------------- Exercising is hurting yourself until you build up an immunity to hurting yourself
----------- Teachers scared us into doing our homework by telling us we were going to be garbage men, but never told us garbage men make more than them
--------------- Waking up from a good dream feels worse than waking up from a nightmare
------------ Your carkeys have traveled farther than your car
---------------- A spoon is a small bowl to eat from a large bowl
---------- If highschool were a movie, highschoolers wouldn't be allowed to watch it
--------- Farts are the ghosts of the food we ate
---------------- If elevators didn't exist, the penthouse would be for poor people
----------- As an adult any "free time" is just procrastination
--------------- When you die, the person who will visit you the most is the guy who mows around your tombstone
--------- Coffee is just bean soup
----------- What if showering makes us more attuned to the universe?
---------------- A lot of wires are needed to make wireless communication possible
--------- Cannibalism would solve both world hunger and overpopulation
--------- Food tastes different when cold. Heat is a flavor.
---------------- The fact that we can't fully control our own organs and bodily functions is like we don't have admin privileges of our own bodies
---------------- Strawberry-flavoured things don't taste like strawberry, but they all taste like each other
--------------- If everyone on earth jumped at once, there would be no humans on earth for a second
---------- The photograph which will be used at your own funeral, maybe has been already taken
---------------- Using your laptop to charge your phone = blood transfusion for electronics
--------------- You have the same amount of gold medals as almost every athlete who participated in the Olympics.
-------------- If you get a dollar for every woman/man who doesn't find you attractive, they might, in the end, find you attractive
------------- Many of us have, as children, visited a relative's house and still have no idea to this day who that relative is
----------------- You have more ancestors than any of your ancestors, and you will have more descendants than any of your descendants
--------- Puberty is a massive software and hardware update that takes a couple of years
--------- Flu medicines advertise they can stop your symptoms so you can go to work. Thus spreading more flu. Thus selling more medicine.
----------- Every time you kill a fly, you are eliminating a fly that is slow, only leaving the fast ones behind. Natural selection of flies at work, and you are a part of it.
------------ Buying a wallet is like trading a book for a shelf
------------- You are the most recent person to read this text
------------ Earth will always be stuck between Love (Venus) and War (Mars)
---------- Languages travel at the speed of sound. Sign language travels at the speed of light.
--------------- Attending a funeral is like watching end credits for 2 hours
------------ The first inventor invented inventions
---------------- For introverts, the key to their home is the key to happiness
------------ Pulling the plug on a braindead patient is like kicking someone for inactivity
------------ Seeing is basically echolocation with sound except with light, and instead of us making a noise there is a giant screaming monster in the sky
---------- Emptying your pockets = checking your inventory
-------------- Blackboards with white chalk is the original dark theme
------------- If we domesticated bears as we did wolves, we would have real teddy bears
------------ Technically you eat a pizza starting from the middle going outwards
----------- Bottled water companies don't produce water, they produce plastic bottles
----------------- Living people eat dead mushrooms and living mushrooms eat dead people
------------- School is no longer about learning but about passing
---------------- Artificial diamonds are literal carbon copies
------------- There are only three naturally occurring citrus fruits (of which lemons and limes are not a part of), all others are just hybrids from them. Therefore life did not give us lemons, we made lemons out of life.
----------------- Video games used to be released as completely finished products without the ability to provide updates
-------------- Brain surgery is one brain helping out another brain
---------- If you're 15 minutes late they will be upset at you. But if you're 2 days late they will be glad that you're OK.
------------- Ctrl+F, Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V and Ctrl+Z have done more to improve humanity than most of us ever will
----------- If pigs could fly, their wings would probably taste really good
-------------- Our belly buttons are the same thing as the holes in fruits where the stem goes
----------------- What if there were no hypothetical questions?
--------- Some people shout "Fire!" to save lives, some people shout it to end them
----------- There are more airplanes in the sea than submarines in the sky
----------- If you are 70 years old you have spent TEN YEARS of your life on Monday
--------------- The guy who invented the phrase "one hit wonder", probably never came up with another famous expression
--------- It's impossible to break a mirror. You just get more mirrors.
----------- If all the USB ports in the world were flipped over, no one would notice
------------ The only thing worse than having a job is looking for one
--------------- It's easier to win an argument with a smart person, than it is with a really stupid person
------------ Earth is the third planet from the sun. So technically, every problem is a third world problem.
--------- If you run at 10pm, you're a night person. If you run at 5am, you're a morning person. If you run at 3am, you're a suspicious person.
------------ A bed is a shelf for your body when you're not using it
----------- Your skeleton is not inside of you, but you (the brain) are inside of your skeleton
----------- What if NASA scientists are aliens trying to get home with primitive technology?
----------------- Dentists are reverse tooth fairies. They give you teeth and then take your money.
---------------- Food tastes better when you take it from someone else
--------- There are thousands of dustmites on your bed. You never sleep alone.
------------ Someone's therapist knows all about you
------------- The first 35 years of your life is just the tutorial
------------ Hunger is the greatest flavor enhancer
------------ Every single decision you made in your life led you to read this
------------- Swans are loud, aggressive, territorial, and an emblem of romantic love
------------ All of your furniture could fit on your ceiling
----------- For your stomach all potatoes are mashed
----------- When the first child is born on Mars we will have to add Planet Of Birth to our passports
------------- Angling would be a lot different if fishes could scream
--------------- You're gonna be the first person to be born and the last person to die in your lifetime
-------------- My pizza delivery boy is my owner because he gives me food
------------ When you bite down, you're actually biting up
---------- Bullets do their job after they are fired
------------- To fall asleep you must pretend you're sleeping
-------------- The speed of a clock's second hand is 1 rpm
------------- The Japanese flag is a pie chart of how much Japan is really Japan
---------- A ton of people is approximately 12 people
----------- If you're watching the sun set, someone on the other side of the world is watching it rise
------------- Electric cigarettes can make you addicted to technology
---------- Most people are buried in suits. A zombie apocalypse would be a formal event.
------------- We renew our cells every 7 years. We're all at most 7‑year‑olds.
------------ No one has ever been in an empty room
------------- People who tell me "Don't tell me what to do" are hippocrites
--------- You're not stuck in traffic. You are the traffic.
---------------- Clapping is hitting yourself because you like something
--------------- Mars is populated by robots
------------ Technically speaking, isn't your best friend your worst enemy?
--------- Doing something like a boss = pay someone to do it
----------- Walking at 3mph is calming and enjoyable. Driving a car at 3mph is upsetting and frustrating.
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